President's Analyst

I called to ask if Steve was there knowing he wasn't just to see if Jason was home and why his apartment had been dark for so long. That's how much I cared and was willing to do. Steve wasn't there. There was no Steve there. But Jason was there and had been and I apologized and hung up. I'm not much of an actor. I knew more about him than he would ever forget about me. And in the end we figured maybe he was just too damn lazy to go out and get another light bulb. So she still cared even if she didn't want to or couldn't show it.

Now I come away with another lesson learned. Sometimes you just get your signals crossed. Misunderstandings lead to crossed lines and disconnected phones. *67 to mask a call. *69 to see who called last. It's only seventy five cents after all. That's as much as the welcome home balloon which is deflating as it descends. A leftover memory from Japan was walking wherever and seeing and hearing so many people with cellular phones, carrying on conversations on their way to destinations with God knows who or where. A whole cellular digital packet data network walking down the crowded sidewalks. This may not be a trend we want to emulate. With the growing prevalence of people who are attached with beepers and cell phones on call at every moment, how long will it be before for convenience sake, we all are equipped with micro communication chips implanted in our brains so we can be easily reached or easily connected with anyone at any time?

The groundwork for the scenario has already been paved. We can't be out of touch for very long.- miniature models of phones that allow you to be connected to someone far away while what's in front of you is a mere distraction. Why not dial someone up in your mind? Let someone else interpret what's going on inside. No one wants to feel alone. The competition among phone companies is becoming rather severe. I once was in the habit of switching long distance carriers every month with a new incentive thrown at me. The last deal gone down. With all the emphasis on the intrusion of government and the evil influence of foreign governments, perhaps we ought to be a little more frightened of the wide reaching power of entities like phone companies.

Not that being able to feel any type of connection in your brain would necessarily be a bad thing. Some people walk down the halls feeling awfully hollow and wonder what can possibly be going on in someone else's mind. Either a particular someone or just anyone. While it's great to feel connected with another, to feel like you don't have to say everything for them to understand, it is equally as deflating to think you have a connection with someone only to find out it's fake. Sometimes you are left to feel like there is so much more to say but all you can be is mute or dumb or at the very least dumbfounded. It's just as difficult to be around someone who feels like they've connected to you when they haven't gotten close. Maybe that little communications chip could help lessen the misunderstandings of being human.

It could even replace the process of analysis which is to talk to a trained professional on a couch to reinforce logically what is already emotionally there. Part of your therapy might be having you talk to an empty chair to say the things you meant to say to a real person in your life but either can't because of a fear or because it's merely too late. Try talking to a chair with a cell phone. And if you're the President's analyst the secrets you hear must be confidential and valuable and wanted by your worst enemies. Just like the woman who read all those books about how to have good relationships yet refused to deal with people.

Did you also ever notice there are way too many people selling toothpaste these days or at the very least one too many? With all the different brands and all the different kinds promising everything from tartar free, to whiter teeth to fresher breath one wishes someone would just come up with a one stop toothpaste. If you have enough courage you can walk down the aisles of one of these big marts and see a whole aisle devoted to tooth care products. Are we biting any better? Most toothpaste people are more concerned with their own smiles rather than the health of your teeth. Just like the other day when there was a Pez jammed in my dispenser and I propelled it out with such force that it became a dangerous projectile nailing me in the glasses. I could have been blinded. By a Pez.

Last call. Ding that bell dang it. If she wasn't a poet she certainly was the closest thing to a rapper that ever ran through my life. Stylin. She stopped linear time for a little detour from the past back to the past. And I still feel the same as always except when I think about her I get sad. It came to be absolutely meaningless but we did have some fun didn't we?