Home Improvement

Not much passes for entertainment these days for Mr. Max and myself. We are not easily amused. Try hard as we might, we haven't even been able to enjoy the new fall TV season with the possible exception of our new favorite show, Buffy the Teenage Vampire Slayer. Sad to say one of the many things I dearly miss about a certain individual is getting to hear all about her gastronomic experiences. So late last week Max and I watched in some bewilderment if not actual bemusement when I flushed the toilet and water starting gushing out of a crack between the tank and the bowl. Despite the plumbing implications, it was our very own version of Yellowstone's Old Faithful.

It was one of those moments as a homeowner where I really wished I had a landlord to call to come fix the problem. It got rather old flushing the toilet and spending the next ten minutes mopping up the floor. At first it was a mere inconvenience among many then it became rapidly annoying to the point I was trying to figure out how long I could possibly go without using the toilet (timing such things as to when I would be at work) or at the very least how long I could go without flushing the damn thing. Unfortunately one of my few good personality traits is I am a stickler when it comes to terms of personal hygiene. Fortunately I have a helpful and knowledgeable brother-in-law who bailed me out of the situation so to speak.

I learned a lot of things in two areas this week: I learned more about brassieres than I ever knew before (we're not going to go there), and I learned about the great advances of technology in the toilet area. As my brother-in-law and I went to Knox to shop for a new toilet I learned that there is such a wide variety to choose from. Who knew that prices ranged from forty bucks to over two hundred? Far as I could see one toilet was like the other so I have no idea what accounted for the price differential. I didn't exactly want to ask a salesperson either; I was quite happy slapping down forty dollars and forever living in curiosity as to what a two hundred dollar toilet might be capable of that my new purchase couldn't do.

I did learn that the most noticeable improvement in toilet technology is the development of water saving tanks. All the new versions use half the water as my old cadillac porcelain monstrosity. My old faithful had a big tank that was self modified with a huge brick to displace some of the water and save me a few needed pennies. My new purchase has a much smaller tank and is done with its duties in half the time as my old one. This small advance is already greatly appreciated. No more waiting in the mornings for the water to stop running so I can finally step into my shower without being scalded.

The other improvement told to me by my brother-in-law is the addition of two rubber stoppers that level the tank on the bowl as opposed to the old conventional one in the middle. Due to this advancement one can now tighten the tank on to the bowl with much more certainty- when it comes to toilets one surely wants to make sure everything is level. Yet there still are improvements needed. Like any area where technology has rapidly improved certain aspects, there are sure to be new problems created and advancements in the toilet industry are no exception. My brother-in-law told me that with the new designs that cleverly use the build up of suction and gravity to save water and the laws of physics to dispose of the bowl's contents, the old plumber snakes don't work as well anymore. The snakes aren't designed properly to clear obstructions between the tank and the bowl. One can only hope we aren't too far away from the day where toilet technology is all but perfected.

This whole experience reminded me of last spring when my front cement stairs disintegrated after a harsh winter. After shelling out major bucks for repairs I made sure I got my money's worth by enjoying the new steps as often as I could by sitting out front sipping my coffee and reading the newspaper. Now the most recent addition to my home improvement efforts has been installed with a bit of pride. I was so excited I was tempted to, and was all but ready to call my friend and have her come over to try it out. Yes indeed it feels good to know some things in life can actually be fixed.