Monday, March 30, 1998

Language of Love

Dans un reve je regarde dans un miroir et ne vois pas ma reflexion mais un visage d'un etranger. Et en tant que lui me continue se voient se trouver. Se situer dans un lit legerement eleve avec une lumiere solitaire simple juste au-dessus de la tete du lit. Périodiquement une femme a habille tous dans le blanc ouvre la porte et signe juste pour voir si je suis toujours la. Et la majeure partie du temps je suis. Et alors je réveiller et penser où je dix année il y a et comment étroit et loin parti qui sembler et ce point je connaître là aucun tourner dos tel que mon cerveau non arrêter et sommeil échapper pour repos nuit juste comme alors. Il n'y a rien tout à fait si effrayant en tant que commande perdante de votre esprit. Dans bon trame esprit je rendre compte comment je pouvoir jamais pouvoir pour oublier que temps et tout qui amener, mais en même temps je devoir jamais oublier combien je avoir accomplir depuis et à quel point chanceux je pour où je considérer où je. Vous ne vous rendez pas compte vraiment que non seulement à quelle distance vous pouvez tomber mais comment rapide qui la chute peut être. Et une fois que vous êtes tombés que loin l'élever en arrière est déchiqueté et difficile et vous vous trouvez mettre tellement l'énergie en faisant quelque chose que vous aviez l'habitude de prendre pour accordé. Je souvent sentir comme tout ces année il y a je atteindre proverbial fourchette dans route et voie d'accès je choisir pour suivre faux un et je devenir désespéré perdu essayer pour trouver mon voie dos et I quelque point juste devoir recevoir que je jamais trouver que autre voie d'accès encore mais jusqu' pour faire meilleur hors voie d'accès je maintenant en fonction et surtout d'autre mouvement en avant et non en arrière. Il était très difficile, et extrêmement pénible que de venir au point où j'ai dû prendre cette décision si j'ai même voulu continuer. Et réaliser alors la seule voie que je pourrais continuer était de découper mon passé et d'essayer et commencer encore une fois. Cette philosophie a signifié l'essai encore mais dans une voie prudente. La coupure I toutes mes amitiés passées sachant j'ai dû seul aller à la trouvaille moi-même. J'ai obtenu un travail mais un qui n'importeraient pas tout que beaucoup si je ne pourrais pas l'entailler et ne le détruisais pas par la suite. J'ai entré jour après jour et ai délibérément fait le mon mieux à juste fais les tâches professionnelles bien et pas ai laissé n'importe lequel de lui matière et ne pas atteindre tous avec émotion attaché à tout ce qui continuait autour de moi. Et j'ai réussi. C'était à ce point que j'ai découvert la réponse à un des questions qui se sont attardé. J'étais venu pour me demander si l'intérieur de douleur une question du sentiment trop ou ne se sentait pas du tout. Par les tâches menial il est apparu clairement qu'un des raisons que je pourrais prendre que le pas en avant est pour la première fois dans un moment le sentiment du sentiment trop et de ce fait le grillage et ne pas se sentir du tout sont partis. J'étais engourdi mais c'était un bon genre d'engourdi. Et la clé devait faire ce pas en avant. Une fois que cela se produisait d'autres éléments de ma vie ont commencé à réapparaître. J'étais amoureux. J'ai développé la meilleure amitié que j'ai jamais eue. J'ai trouvé ma voix et mon écriture est devenue plus comme elle était avant. Je suis devenu navré mais il était bon d'une voie de voir que mon coeur était toujours là et pourrait la prendre. Je me suis déplacé en fonction de ce travail à un qui m'a donné davantage d'un défi et de plus d'une récompense. Une partie du passé ne m'a pas tout à fait hanté de la même manière qu'elle a eu avant. J'ai progressé jusqu'ici cela le printemps dernier à ma réunion I d'université de dix ans trouvé admettant à un classmate (tout à fait par surprise) que j'étais plus heureux puis que j'avais eu lieu dans tout à fait un moment. Mais il est comme une fois que vous admettez que vous vous êtes maudits. Et les choses rapidement ont démêlé encore. Et je la trouvaille moi-même dans un endroit où je ne me pense pas jamais ai maintenant été tout à fait ceci malheureux avant. N'est pas étant enfoncé une question d'être juste triste. C'est une question de ne pouvoir pas sentir n'importe quel type de joie. C'est différent. Je sais que j'ai détruit quelque chose ici que je n'ai pas voulu détruire. Je me sens perdu à ce que faire et effrayé que la confusion me mènera à cet endroit j'étais et avoir vécu dans la crainte de depuis. La sortie de l'obscurité ne devait pas s'attendre à quelque chose de d'autres. Plutôt elle devait trouver la voie à l'élasticité de me encore. Cette dernière amitié a signifié cela à moi. Il s'est senti bon d'être le type d'ami que j'étais pour elle. Dans le retour elle a renvoyé l'élément de l'amusement dans ma vie encore. Elle était comme tourner en arrière l'horloge. J'ai dépensé tellement le temps et l'énergie par le voyage essayant à la trouvaille moimême; maintenant je me sens comme je trouvais cet individu et n'aime plus cette personne. L'amitié a offert tellement des possibilités intéressantes et tellement aller plus loin pourtant j'étais heureux à à où nous étions. Maintenant elle est allée et le trou est mesurablement plus grand. J'appuie sur mais je sens plus que détruit. J'essaye de voir que ce n'est pas identique, ce ceci est juste un de pertes décevantes inévitables de la vie. Mais l'équilibre est allé et j'ai frappé le dur moulu encore. Je puis seulement espérer que la terre est un bit plus plein cette fois autour. Je ne veux pas tomber cela loin toujours encore. Et bien que le weariness vienne et alarmes que je veux juste apprécier tous j'ai parce que je sais où j'ai été. Quelque chose de précieux et rare, disparaît en air mince et il semble si injuste

Monday, March 23, 1998

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Charlotte Twins

Spring is supposed to bring renewal of the spirit after the dark and cold of a Minnesota winter. This year the spirit could only be darkened by other reasons. And for baseball fans spring means spring training when all fans are supposed to optimistically believe that this is THE year for their team.

I've been a Twins fan since 1973. Doesn't matter how good or bad they are, I'll follow them to the edge of the earth. That said I must admit this year is perhaps the bleakest year ever in my following of the team. It's hard to get excited about a season where it's possible we'll find out it is the last season here in Minnesota and the strength of the team is its utility infielders and bullpen setup pitchers. How did we reach this point? From 1987 to 1994 we topped the New York Yankees in attendance. Two world championships during that time is nothing to sneeze at. We've had the pleasure of watching three sure Hall of Famers (Kirby Puckett, Dave Winfield, and Paul Molitor).

Extraneous circumstances aside what makes this season seem so bleak is the potential of the team that's being fielded. The past few seasons an effort has been made to concede to the disadvantages of small market baseball by compensating in developing young talent. Granted the Twins' recent ability to judge young talent is suspect at best, but it seemed like the best path forward. So the sudden switch in philosophy this past winter in adding very veteran players like Otis Nixon, Mike Morgan and Orlando Merced smacks a bit of desperation.

Position by position this team certainly is no better than last year's version which managed to lose 94 games.

CATCHER: Terry Steinbach is coming off an off year yet to expect much more out of him seems a bit naive seeing he is a 36 year old catcher who while being a solid player has never exactly been in the upper echelon of his peers. His backup should be the catcher of the future, Javier Valentin but will in all likelihood be either a catcher the organization let go in an expansion draft only to reacquire him (Jayhawk Owens) or the injury prone former California Angel Chris Turner (all offense no defense- the second coming of Matt Merullo).

FIRST BASE: This position demonstrates what is clearly wrong with the Twins' current rebuilding strategy. The position will probably be given to Orlando Merced (does anyone else smell a repeat of the glorious Jerald Clark/Kevin Mass era?). In the very least you have to give a still young prospect Scott Stahoviak a chance to prove last year's injury riddled season isn't the norm. But why not go with young David Ortiz who probably has the most power potential in the entire organization? What do you have to lose in trying a player that may become great over a journeyman who at the very most will merely prove to be adequate?

SECOND BASE: The trade of Chuck Knoblauch no doubt weakens the team. You can't lose the best leadoff hitter in the league and not feel that loss. Still this opens the opportunity for Todd Walker to step forward and prove he isn't the latest Willie Banks or David McCarty.

SHORTSTOP: The one unquestionably strong position on the team. Pat Meares may not be flashy but his consistent play is vastly underrated.

THIRD BASE: Ron Coomer is the team's best overall hitter and surprisingly good at defense too. But what about Corie Koskie?

OUTFIELD: The key to the entire season lies on the feet of Marty Cordova. If he proves last season was an aberration then the team will have a potent bat in the middle of the lineup. Nixon in center is a better option than Rich Becker who watched more called strikes last season than anyone in the history of the game. Alex Ochoa and Matt Lawton are examples of what the team should be doing in other areas- giving young players the opportunity to establish themselves.

UTILITY PLAYERS: We have two of the best in Denny Hocking and Brent Gates. If nothing else they give Manager Kelly plenty of versatility and options.

STARTING PITCHING: Again the best way forward seems to be to let the young guys prove themselves at the major league level. The projected starting staff would be: Brad Radke, Bob Tewksbury, Mike Morgan, Latroy Hawkins, and Eric Milton. It isn't as bad as it seems. We're not talking Darrell Jackson, Eddie Bane, Frank Eufemia, Jack O'Connor, here.

RELIEF PITCHING: Absolutely the biggest advantage manager Kelly has at his disposal. Rick Aguilera is still a better than average stopper and the trio of Greg Swindell, Mike Trombley and Eddie Guardado is very good. Unfortunately they'll be called on far too often in blowout situations.

Monday, March 16, 1998

Madonna Still Has Not Showed

Former Cheapo great Mark Lethert told me his fondest memory of working with me was the day he walked into the store and I was intently and quite seriously listening to Madonna's True Blue. What I didn't tell Mr. Lethert was my secret theory that the song Papa Don't Preach was a song specifically written for me. Sure I've never been an unwed pregnant teenager trying to communicate my plight with my dad but just like Lefty Frizell's Long Black Veil somehow the message of the song was one I had lived somewhere in another lifetime.


I've always admired Madonna's ability to stand so naked (in all connotations of the word) in public. Her ability to express her demons so publicly yet so artistically is purely unique in this increasingly cynical age. Sure her arrogant posturing and do anything to shock nature can get a bit tiresome but with songs like Live To Tell and my favorite song of her's, 'Til Death Do Us Part (which chronicles the disintegration of a relationship better than any song I've ever heard) makes it difficult to ever totally dismiss her.


As I brought home her newest CD, Ray of Light, and I plopped it in the CD player I was quite looking forward to hearing her first post-baby music. I had read in the morning paper how my new second favorite mother of one had found the spiritual and physical benefits of a good Yoga workout just like my favorite mother of two (who by the way I will always associate Madonna's song Secret-as good a description of our friendship as any). About a fourth of the way through the disc I looked at Mr. Max who was looking quite frightened by all the synthesizer space ship gurgling coming from my stereo's speakers and said, "What the hell is this crap?" Producer William Orbit's cosmic orbital techno production gets more than a bit wearying after a while.


I made it all the way through the disc (barely) and felt a tad disappointed. This ray of light isn't so enlightening and isn't so much a ray of hope as it is celebrity navel contemplation. The work continues her efforts to be considered a "serious" artist just as Evita was her attempt at being a "serious" actress. Unfortunately what the disc could use is a dose of her creative humor. Her dabbling with eastern mysticism isn't so original and quite frankly the music is about as inspirational as similar efforts like Gary Wright's Dream Weaver or the Beach Boys' Friends. All the songs sound alike and the sea of electronics washes over all the intimacy of the lyrics and singing. Even the stronger moments like the title song (which is a damn fine song) isn't allowed to stick out amongst the pounding monotony. The first single, Frozen, again contains some heartfelt lyrics "You only see what your eyes want to see. How can life be what you want it to be? You're frozen when your heart's not open." Yet the maddening sound effects rob the song of any of its inherent power.


But this is Madonna after all so I decided the disc was worth a few more listenings. And you know what? It's starting to grow on me. Songs like Nothing Really Matters, Sky Fits Heaven, and The Power of Good-bye are sadly stirring showing a soul in reflection who has found the benefit of giving herself to another (presumably her baby). This is a mature Madonna who seems to regret some of her past abrasiveness. And like all her past great music she is more than willing to share her vulnerability in a universally (and now cosmically) appealing way. The disc ends with her lone acapella voice singing, "I ran and I ran. I'm still running today." And with all the electronic trickery and droning that has preceded this moment, the words become even more touching. Thus the journey to the stratosphere is ultimately tolerable because it is such a personal journey. Like other Madonna products once you get past all the hype and packaging there is a naked voice revealed so joyful in the act of expression.

Monday, March 9, 1998

The Day Ms. Danae Flew Away

Dear Mr. Kurbie,

I know the next few weeks are gonna be kind of rough. I was there not too long ago. I know how much you'll miss her and how lonesome you can be. But don't despair Kurbie, she'll be back soon. She always is.

I know it'll be doubly tough for you too because you just moved into your new house. New surroundings can be a bit frightening and unsettling. Why don't they seem to care about the smell emanating from the kitchen? Don't they hear the sound upstairs? Just as you were finally getting used to things settling down a bit things have to change again. You finally found your place in front of the fireplace and now you have to get used to another's routine.

You're probably wondering why you couldn't go with her to Mexico. But believe me she was looking after your best interests. You can't even drink the water for pete's sake! Frolicking on the beach may like sound fun now, but there's a lot to be said for the peace and quite of a nice home.

The guy I watch over went away not too long ago. Dropped me off at a kindly couple's house. They took real good care of me. Didn't chase me around. Didn't make me work for every meal. Went to bed every night and at a reasonable hour. And let me tell you there were plenty of places to explore and hide in their house. After a while I almost felt spoiled. But you know I almost kind of missed the little fella. You get used to them coming home at a certain time, don't you Kurbie? You get used to their many quirks. You get used to their happy faces that light up as they greet you at the door. Those days will be back soon for you my friend.

I haven't had the pleasure of meeting her yet. But I've heard a bit about her and I hear she's a kind person and for that alone you should feel extremely lucky. Kindness is a vastly under appreciated trait. I've heard that her laugh and smile (though a bit devilish) could light up a thousand stars. Her enthusiasm is infectious. He hasn't acted this goofy since longer than I can remember and I think she has played a part in that. I've heard she's a good reader and a Pepper too.

If I have any word of advice for you it is to try to find ways to enjoy the break from your normal routine. At first there may be a concern about who will fill your food and water dishes and who will take you out every day but soon those fears will subside. She made sure those things will be taken care for you my friend. But whoever is taking care of you now doesn't know all the special routines. It's up to you to teach them the ones you love and to take advantage of the ones they don't know about. Enjoy yourself Kurbie, because the day will come sooner than you know when you'll be back to the same old same old. Not that there is anything wrong with that and I can understand it if that is all you want now. All I am saying is there is something to be gained by new experiences. After all, all you really need is a warm place to lie in the sun, a snuggle, and a belly rub now and again.

I hear you are a pretty bright fellow Kurbie. I hear you even know how to ring a bell whenever you want to go outside. I hear your cousin Sammie isn't so well trained. That'll just mean that your talents will be that much more appreciated. From what I hear this is an annual event in your life so you're just going to have to get used to it and find ways to enjoy the time. One of life's hardest lessons is to learn not to pin your hopes on the behavior of others.

Well I gotta get going Kurbie. He's back and I gotta make sure he knows it's time for our Clouseau/Cato romp. I know how much you miss her now but you are a pretty lucky fellow. I'm sure she's thinking of you as much as you are thinking of her. Take care.

Your friend,
-Max

Monday, March 2, 1998

Disturber of the Peace

Just as my faith recently has been a bit shaken, I came to an agreement with my recently discovered and much appreciated spiritually enlightening soon to be Mexico bound seniorita. Together we decided I am not a psychopath the definition of which says one must be "aggressively anti-social." We agreed I was, at best, "assertively anti-social." Whew.

Which brings me to my saddest moment in Cheapo history when one of our favorite former employees admitted to me that she wondered why happiness was such a prevalent feeling in our society since it was a feeling that "she'd never felt."

It was a revelation I have thought about a lot since. And this past Wednesday as I watched the Grammy telecast it was yet another example of how sad I feel when I think about why she made that statement because I ultimately just can not relate. Not that I am one given to hyperbole but wasn't it one of the greatest moments in recorded television history? What up to that moment had been a rather standard television awards show (save for Vanessa Williams nearly being killed by a moving stage prop and the impromptu speech from the rapper from Wu Tang that upstaged Shawn Colvin's acceptance speech) came to life with Bob Dylan's performance of Love Sick.

My favorite CD at the moment is one (Tailgates and Substitutes) containing the first live performance of a Time Out of Mind song which happened last October 1 at the Bournemouth International Centre, with a great version of Love Sick. It's an exciting moment with the strumming of the opening chords when the crowd recognizes what is coming and there is actually a squeal of delight from someone. Dylan's performance at the Grammy's was equally impressive. Bathed in a stream of white light, Dylan and his band stood in front of a group of bohemian dancers dressed in black swaying with the music. It was a scene straight out of Shindig and was much fun in the midst of a typically staid Grammy's show.

The searing performance became even more surreal when one of the dancers pranced forward sans a shirt with the words "soy bomb" painted on his chest. Leaving the hip boppers behind this individual soy boy spastically did an interpretive dance next to Dylan who merely glanced at him and coolly continued singing without batting an eye. Bob sang with great passion, "I'm sick of love, I'm love sick..." (only Bob could snarl such lyrics so convincingly at a national audience) and it was such a spellbinding moment that I even managed to crack a smile, ear to ear. Dylan again proved what a great live performer he is as he leaned into his guitar solo knees slightly bent, pointing his guitar toward the audience, tommy gun style. As the dancer was escorted from the stage Bob glanced at his bassist Tony Garnier who shrugged and smiled. A scan of the audience was equally bizarre showing a joyful Patti Smith whooping it up behind Tara Lipinski as Celine Dion pulled up her dress.

The crowd gave Dylan a standing ovation seemingly more out of a sense of obligation than actual appreciation. Later as he accepted the award for album of the year he seemed truly proud of his honor. Rather than give an unconventional acceptance speech (which has been his history) he gave a gracious and somewhat standard acknowledgment of those that helped him be so appropriately recognized. And he topped it off by telling of the time he saw Buddy Holly perform in Duluth and how Buddy had somehow been with him during the recording of Time Out of Mind.

In 1991 at his last appearance at the Grammy's Dylan gave a stumbling performance in his acceptance of a lifetime achievement award. Coming in the days following the opening of Desert Storm, he chose to sing his most bitter antiwar song, Masters of War in a version where all the words were slurred into one. His coinciding speech was brief and typically cryptic: "My father didn't leave me much... he did say 'son it's possible to become so defiled in this world that even your own mother and father will abandon you. But God will always believe in your own ability to mend your own ways.' Thank you..." Compared to that this time around Dylan's speech was almost normal. In fact right after he left the stage my phone rang. As my heart stopped I wondered who was calling me and it turned out to be the fourth least likely person who would call me. This person, who is hardly a Dylan fan admitted he was impressed by the performance. That he knew I would be excited and cared enough to call meant quite a bit to me.


There are those rare instances in life that truly make you appreciate all that is to be treasured and remembered. I thank Mr. Bob et al for last Wednesday night which provided one of them increasingly hard to find happy moments.