Postcards from a Pen Pal

Tonight I found myself back at my old stomping grounds on Goodrich Avenue. A nostalgic glow flowed down from the air as heavy as the snowflakes that fell to the ground. This was where I lived when I turned it around and got myself back on a track (maybe not a great one, maybe not the right one, but a track nonetheless). These were the streets that Max and I first took our walks together, strolling the neighborhood, on the lookout for other cats. He sometimes enjoyed a nibble of grass. I often times enjoyed a puff from my pipe.


The little castle that housed my very small efficiency was dark tonight. But I vividly and somewhat wistfully remember looking out my front window, full of anticipation as my friend would drive up in her little sports car and we would zip off destined for the Bad Habit.


But what I learned tonight is that I no longer have any interest in retracing old footprints. I have changed a lot over the years and I wouldn't go back for anything. The glow of the memories masks the struggles of the times. Those weren't the best of times for me but the heartaches have somehow faded more than the things I miss about that time remain with me. I have probably learned less than any other person during my thirty years in this wacky world that surrounds us. But one thing I have learned is that the fear that influences and ultimately guides many is the fear of the unknown. We all like to be put in situations that are familiar where we stand on firm ground. It is facing uncertainty, and lacking a sense of security that terrifies and influences the paths we all take.


Years back when I lived on Goodrich, and we had our massive Halloween snowstorm of '91, I was at a crossroads in my life, professional wise, personal wise, and other wise. I decided that night to walk home from Cheapo, to my humble little abode about three or four miles away. I was wearing boots that rubbed up against my heels, and through the muck and trudging through nineteen inches of snow, blisters developed. My feet hurt like hell and as I went to work the following week, I had a noticeable limp. A very kind person gave me Band-Aids for my wounds. I have always appreciated the kindness of strangers. It was a small gesture but a significant moment of my life. I had made a decision that would have a hard time qualifying under the wise category. I was paying a painful price for my mistake. But it all made me stop and think. Something we don't always take the time to do. The lesson I learned was all that I needed to do was keep on keeping on and when the chance came up, make sure I understood all I had learned. Thinking of what might had been, or what I wished would be was a waste of time.


These days, unfortunately, I get all my news about our company through the contributions to the newsletter. I haven't been able to get out to any of the stores as much as I would like. Obviously as we face changes, certain anxieties are bound to crop up. One of the odd things about my other job is that I often am approached by other employees who ask my opinion, my advice on problems they are facing. Part of me feels like saying, "if you are coming to me looking for answers, you are beyond help." Few have the history of squandering such as I. But you know, I have gained enough personal wisdom to at least have the feeling that I am doing OK these days. Maybe a false feeling but better than a fearful feeling nonetheless.


Change and chaos, as documented elsewhere, is what makes us all grow. It is those that can be innovative, be visionaries and lead during testing times that are to be admired. Those are hard traits to develop and nurture. Things don't always work out the way we had them planned, but those that can deal with disappointment and turn it into something positive, are those that find their work to be rewarding and live a textured life. This company possesses creativity in abundance. That is something we really need to tap. But we need to remain focused. The newsletter is now nearly three years old. One thing we have always tried to do is to improve communication, pass on information, entertain, and above all do it all with a smile. Personal anecdotes may not mean much to many, but all that we write about and share is hopefully done for a purpose.


If the past is crippling and prevents one from moving forward, yes, you have to do what you have to do to get around that. Not all changes work out but you do learn that the challenges of change are ultimately more useful than relying on the familiar and taking things for granted. At the same time, it is important to recognize that change and uncertainty are part of our nature. It is familiarity that often deadens us and stops us from asking questions, probing and moving ahead. My best friend recently gave me an avenue to contact one who is sadly missed, but definitely part of my past. While the temptation is great to call, just to find out how this person is doing, what they may or may not be up to, I question what we really have to say to one and other that would make any type of difference.


Cheapo has a unique and well developed identity and reputation in our community. As long as our vision remains true, good things are bound to occur. I am proud to be a part of this company. The people I know, the experiences I've had are truly appreciated. These are stressful times, but they are also exciting times. If you want to make a difference, you really can. That is all anyone can ever ask. Pep talks and blind assumptions aside, this is a time to make the changes and decisions that can really influence a fairly large group of people for a fairly long time. Cool. So go out there and win one for the Gipper. God Bless, good night, and drive safely everybody...