News From Landfill

During the week when your seasoned newsletter editor turned twenty eight, he experienced a few moments he now would like to share with you, his beloved readers.

Last Sunday, I had my most philosophical conversation in many a year, with two black men who had just finished shooting a round of pool down in Louie's. The end result, their conclusion was if I wanted to establish my "true" identity, and find some balance, it was imperative I go live in Japan for a while and get in touch with my roots. Properly inspired, I will be giving my first college lecture on that very topic, 11:30, Tuesday, December 8 at Macalester College in Dr. Professor Janet Carlson's freshman seminar, "Asian Americans" class (11 women). Visitors are welcome (especially if you are of the male persuasion).

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Yesterday, three young boys came into Landfill and asked if there was anything they could do to earn a dollar. "We'll do anything," they said collectively and individually. "No thanks," our polite but aged sales clerk replied. "Two words, 'any thing'," one of the lads said. The clerk slowly looked up and said, "That's only one word but I'll answer you in three. Sorry, no thanks."

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When a big rock "star" decides he's above a respected institution like MTV, the result might as well be chaos; all rules go out the window. When Bruce Springsteen played Unplugged, plugged and with his band, he violaged the integrity and concept of the show. So in an attempt to land a job on Jay Leno's writing staff, the following is my attempt at some comedy. The concept of the piece is "what would happen if other TV shows didn't follow their established premise?" Gee... I wonder what that would be like...

When America's Most Wanted decides to be America's Least Wanted for a week, it gives us a chance to see a bunch of geeky high school students stufy for their "big" chemistry final.

Life Goes On- not after tht town's nuclear power plant blows up. Special guest appearance by Homer Simpson.

Wednesday night's episode of 48 Hours is extra special as we follow Dan Rather and his staff on the weekend Daylight Savings Time switched back to Standard Time, thus giving us 49 Hours.

Beverly Hills 90210 becomes Beverly Hills 90666 for a week and we are taken from Beverly Hills to Watts, or the other side of the tracks. The laughs never stop with those wacky antics of kids from Central High. Will Bobbi Jo spend her welfare check on ammunition for her boyfriend, or on potato chips for her daughter who has complained of a stomach ache? A poignant episode.

Saturday Night Live- It's a retrospective offering, guest hosted by Gilda Radner and John Belushi, thus the misnomer.

Rescue 911- misdial a number and for a week we get Rescue 411. Follow the exciting careers of phone operators giving out information to their callers.

Star Trek: The Next Generation- We go back (actually technically forward for the viewer) and see how, when, and why the Klingons developed the bulbous forehead. What caused the metamorphosis from the old devilish look on the original show to the reptile scale look (see Worf) on the Next Generation.

Crossfire- a change in image (and administration) prompts the boys to do a haunting a cappella version of "How Do You Talk to an Angel?"

I expect to be hearing from Mr. Leno any day now.

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A note about our front page... Once upon a long ago, to avoid naming the newsletter something dorky, I decided to give it a different album's name every week. At first it seemed like a cute idea, but I think its become rather annoying. We will come up with a "real" name someday (how about "Something Dorky?"). As for the volume and issue number, the astute and awake among you pointed out some disrepencies in our numbering system. Hopefully we have corrected that, and have gotten back on track. A wise person once told me, "If you can't be good, at least be consistent." So we will.