Movin On

Regular readers of this newsletter undoubtedly know at the very least two things: that no issue is too small to be covered in these pages and that the editor often can be described as someone "whose elevator doesn't always go to the top floor..." That said, one of the major issues I'm grappling with these days is the controversial, no one wants to talk about it but everyone does it, let's look away and let the other guy deal with it, problem of elevator etiquette.

Granted, it isn't a problem in our stores yet, but you gotta figure with all our new stores opening, all the expansion being planned, the next step for the Cheapo/Applause empire will be upwards. And having moved downtown myself, I have had a rude awakening on the lessons of how to deal with being stuck in a moving box with complete strangers. So, this week, we examine how to deal with this delicate issue. If we can save but one person from the humiliation of committing an elevator faux pas, then all this will be worth it.

I arrive in downtown St. Paul shortly before 7:00 am. At that early hour, the building security doesn't allow the elevators to go above the fourth floor. Typical of my life, it is an inconvenience to me, since I have to get up to the fifth floor. So I have two options: I either have to go to the fourth floor and climb one flight of stairs, through a musty, smelly stairwell with air so thick you can actually see the swirling asbestos particles; or I have to go down to the surly security fellow and have him bring me upstairs. This guy has to be the only person in Minnesota who doesn't want a state employee to get a head start on their work. Lethal exercise, or riding up with and evil empowered sorry he didn't qualify for the police force, gunless, seal of a human?

At 8:15 am, I go to Executive Coffee and Tea, for my morning iced cappuccino. The dilemma comes after I have my beverage and wander back to the office from the skyway. If I see someone from the office in the skyway, do I hold the elevator for them? What if they are going to continue walking and don't want to go up with me? What if it is someone I don't know, do I hold the elevator for them too? What is the length of time you keep the doors open? Usually I try to get them to shut as quickly as possible and if I hear someone, I'll say my hands were full. It's too darn early in the morning to have to face those decisions.

At 1:00pm I go to lunch. This of course is a busy time of day, so the elevator is usually tied up or busy. While getting on a crowded elevator is it appropriate to talk? I usually give my name and floor destination, thus avoiding getting stuck at the back of the elevator while my floor passes by. The etiquette for getting on with just one person is different. It is a necessity for both people to avoid eye contact. The best way for this to occur is to keep your eyes peeled on the floor numbers above the doors. Another problem with the busy lunch hour is having to wait for an elevator. If one arrives but is going down, do you get on for the extra ride or do you wait for another, sometimes the same one, to arrive that is going up?

There are certain things in life I'll never understand. What's the deal with caffeine free Mountain Dew? Alcoholess beer? Smokeless tobacco? Glass elevators that make you nauseous like riding some lightening fast amusement park ride? Sure I'm claustrophobic, but sometimes it's better not to see where you're going and certainly how fast you are hurling. I consider myself more of a step guy, or an escalator fellow (some day I'll share with you the time my sister got a shoelace caught in an Otis and nearly lost her leg...) and giving in to the elevator experience is but one compromise I've made as I get sucked up the corporate elevator shaft. I've had a lot of fond memories on the stairwells of life. The sweet farewells, the footsteps following, the exciting chases, the tumbles. I've climbed a long way with many of my favorite people. But as is often the case with technology, the convenience replaces the camaraderie. You climb so far only to find there is an easier way to go.