Qui Est le Elmo Gruskin

Max the Cat and I took our first walk of the new year. Actually it was more of a tug of war than a walk. At one end of the leash was a pipe puffin', out of shape, ex-athletically inclined, baseball fevered, Japanese hatted male. At the other end was a stubborn, frisky, meowing cat, determined to roll around in the mud, just to show who really controlled the situation. Just because he doesn't forget what his leash is for doesn't mean he has to like it. But it was good to get out, for both of us. Oui, Je suis seul.

So the kid, the girl next door, is trying to raise and save money for her desired trip to Arizona this summer. Since I feel any trip to Arizona is a noble cause, I decided to pitch in. I'm scheduled to house sit Max's cousin Ralph in Lake Elmo this week, and since Max and Ralph get along about as well as Sinatra and the Grammy people, I decided to keep them apart. So the neighbor kid is going to come over and feed Max, do the litter box thing, give him some company and participate in play time. Combien faut il payer? Some guidelines:

Max the Cat is a fun loving, purring little guy. Few kitties like people as much as Max. My friend Peppermint Patti said upon finally meeting the famous feline, "How come he's so friendly? " -Meaning where in the hell did he pick that up, since he couldn't have got it from his roommate. At least I don't share in one of Max's individualistic quirks; he drools when he purrs and it ain't exactly just a small amount. Picture puddles larger than the previously mentioned Lake Elmo. He sits on my chest and after he moves elsewhere, I have to change shirts. Disgusting? To the uninitiated. Lovable? Yup. En voiture.

Max gets five scoops of his food a day. This is an increase of 20% since said same Peppermint Patti said he looked thin. When he is fed don't expect much friskiness, when it comes to food, he is a one trick pony; and get out of his freaking way because he'll make a beeline that would knock over the Schlammp Building. Don't be late for feeding. The other night a friend dragged me out after work promising we'd be home by 8:00. As I arrived home after 11:00, I could hear my furry little buddy howling his displeasure, oh I'd say about five blocks away. Sometimes, he eats a bit too fast and urps up his dinner. Recently he did this while I was asleep in bed and he was in my face (I loved your poem Sarah). That was disgusting and one of the only times you'll see me taking a shower at 2:30 in the morning. Je voudrais un billet simple.

Playtime can be unique since Max acts more like a canine than a feline when he's worked up. He loves to play (but is ever so cool about it). Take out a sock and watch him rip into it. A piece of string is like an aphrodisiac, he'll attack it like it's the bird he's preyed upon, and prayed to meet once again. He likes his tummy scratched and there's ample room to do it. His Kirby Puckett build is to be envied. La route est bonne.

He won't let you forget it, but he is everywhere. I shipped off my old typewriter to Alex in DC and as she was trying it out, she flipped the on/off switch and out from the letters flew a solitary cat hair. Alex had to laugh. She used to get mad at the leftover cat I gave her whenever I rode in her car. Faites moi un graissage complet de ma voiture s'il vous plait.

Speaking of Lake Elmo, the winner of our name the new member to our family contest , is someone I have never met. So who exactly is Elmo Gruskin? He's the cat like spirit that we'd like to think exists in all of us. The seeker, the curious, the part of us that likes to lie in the sun. Aloof but ever and always dependable. Here's to you Elmo. JE SUIS EN PANVE. Je vous remercie d'une prenade tres agreable.