We learned in '93, let's do more in '94! Hi! my name is Dave and you may know me as your newsletter editor, but I'm much more than that. I'm your friend. I hope each and every one of you had a safe but festive holiday season. Was Santa good to those of you who believe in such things? Did we all eat a little too much? Tee hee, oh well. I myself did what I do every New Year's Eve: I got together with my volunteer firemen friends, got really drunk and tried to flush a canned ham down the toilet.
It's time now, to unveil (as it were) our second annual "Woman of the Year" award. The list of qualified candidates was once again long and impressive. It took our best ferret like qualities to skim down to our finalists. It was a difficult final decision, but the committee is satisfied with its choice. Here now is one more list:
-Anyone who saw Hillary Rodham (Abdul Jabbar) Clinton's testimony before Congress last summer on the Administration's health care plan, had to be amazed. For the first time in recent memory, the most powerful person in the western hemisphere seems to be a knowledgeable, alert, bright person who actually can articulate a thought eloquently.
-There's also Cindy Crawford who is the epitome of what a leggy supermodel can be. Exercise videos, fashion shows, that birthmark, and on top of it all, a marriage to that super hunk, Richard Gere. This midwestern woman from Illinois clearly has demonstrated how far good looks can take you.
-The lady that got the most media attention this past year was our friend NAFTA. Despite its political and social implications, and the impressive publicity, it probably won't have the impact of its sister, GATT. And no Pedro, don't you believe the rumors that the newsletter is on the verge of relocating in Mexico. (Although a French edition has been considered for our Mountie friends up north.)
-Also considered were those wacky cartoon kids, Beavis and Buthead- such a ruckus over the mockery and celebration of teenagers. No, the boys never actually blew up a cat, just thought about it. I think I've figured out Beavis, but I'm not so sure I know Butthed. All I know is MTV came up with a winner when it created Beavis and Budhead and we hope they don't lose their backbone facing the pressure of those who would blame the boys for everything from the Kennedy assassination to the rise in teenage gingivitis.
-The last runner up to make the cut was radio talk show host, Rush Limbaugh. It was another busy year what with a best selling book, a hip, number one rated radio show, and a not so well received television show. Rush has gone from a nickel and dime pompous windbag to the most powerful (and vocal) opponent of the President. It's all an act of course, but the frightening part is listening to all those dittoheads out there who actually take it seriously and believe it.
-And the 1993 Woman of the Year is: St. Francis of Assisi. One of the most popular movies of the year was that epic, "Free Willy" who made the issue of animal rights even more PC. St. Francis may go in and out of style, but he goes beyond trends, has been durable and dependable and always will be. That makes him the ultimate Woman of the Year. Congratulations to our favorite patron saint of the animals.
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