Comically Speaking

We’re going down like dinosaurs, but I’m an avid newspaper reader. In the last building I lived there were eleven apartments, only three subscribed to one of the two dailies these fine cities offer. What’s the deal?

For me, my day isn’t complete until I read Reusse, Soucheray, Powers, Lambert, Coleman, Grow, C.J., Cal Thomas, Pat Buchanan or DJ Tice.

There are a lot of people who throw thirty bucks a month down on cable television when a newspaper gives you much more for your entertainment dollar. Here now, are my ten favorite comics, the one area you can objectively judge the quality of any newspaper:

Foxtrot – My sister claims young Jason reminds her a lot of me but how can you dislike a comic strip so wacky that the pet iguana isn’t being marketed as a huggable stuffed animal?

Zippy the Pinhead – The Pioneer Press annually runs a reader poll about their comics and Zippy inevitably finishes at the top of the list of least favorites. At first the many zany pop culture references (even more than Dennis Miller uses) flew by me. Now I’m beginning to think a lot like the Zipster.

Calvin and Hobbes – It’s starting to get a bit repetitive but Calvin’s philosophy (Calvinism?) will be studied for years to come.

Dilbert – The nerdy engineer and his clever sidekick Dogbert. For those stuck in a comical (though not intentionally so) job, this is a must read.

Doonesbury – It hit its peak about twenty years ago but it is still worth reading. My favorite character: still the Duke. And whatever happened to Clyde and Ginnie?
Far Side – Even the most annoying people seem to have a favorite Far Side strip.

One Big Happy – I’m in love with young Ruthie. Is blowing your nose through your mouth funny? I think so.

Ernie – This is the one strip that uses unlikable characters as its backbone. Sometimes it goes too far but it gets points for not trying to be cute.

Crankshaft – The difference between this and "Ernie" is behind the gruff exterior, Crankshaft has a heart of gold. Still, the bits about being a bus driver, paper carrier harasser, and pet owner ring true.

For Better or Worse – This one does try to be cute, and most of the time it is. But it’s hip in its unhipness.

Consolation Prize: Peanuts – He hasn’t had a good bit for years, but Charles Shultz’s love of baseball and Snoopy’s love of cookies keeps this one readable. Besides, the majority of comic strips owe their inspiration to this one. Favorite character? Marcie. Whatever happened to Freda with the naturally curly hair and her cat?

This is just an observation but have you ever noticed in "Beetle Bailey" that General Halftrack and Sergeant Snorkel never appear together? Could it be they are really one and the same, played by the same person?