Lex the Lemur

Lots of my lemur friends come up to me and say, "Hey Lex, who do you think you are? What makes you think you can spell your name with an ""e" instead of a "u"? What’s that all about?" I tell them that as a "consumer" advocate the letter "u" is too exclusive; it can mean just you and me. An "E" on the other paw stands for everything and everybody, which is of course, the most important philosophy to keep in mind in the retail industry/business.

Speaking of which, there is absolutely no truth to the rumor I used to work as a shill for the Schlampp Fur Company, turning in my friends for the coats off their backs. Everybody knows lemur fur doesn’t make as nice a coat as our cousins, those weasels, the ermine. The timing of my hiring and this company’s major recent investment was purely coincidental.

What can good customer service do? It can create repeat business. It can be powerful enough to make one break a pledge. Last year, I resolved to cut down on my excursions to White Castle. One Saturday, I got a hankering for some sliders, so despite pleas from my stomach I had five White Castles with cheese (didn’t try their new offerings topped with my favorite nitrate, bacon)/ The young man who served me through the drive thru was pleasant and cheerful as opposed to average mono-syllabic service I’m accustomed to at fast food places. When he wished ma a "good day" with a note of sincerity, I actually felt good I had stopped by. And I went back the next day. Unfortunately, this time around I got the more typical "What the hell do you want here?" sneer. Haven’t been back since.

CELEBRITY SPOTTING: I was withdrawing money from a cash machine in Rosedale, and I looked at a gentleman seated on a bench nearby. I said to myself, "Say that looks a lot like Christian Laettner." But I thought, nah, couldn’t be. But he stood up and his 6’11" frame erased any doubts. I watched as he strolled into "Hot Dogs & More." Hey gals! He’s as advertised: definite GQ material.

SuperMom called and asked if I was interested in going to the Inauguration since Bob Dylan is playing. She said she thought she might be able to "score" some tickets. So I said, "Sure". She called back a bit later and said she was wrong, it was by "invitation" only. I’m sure it was but an oversight on Bob’s part. Either that or he figured a lemur would make them squirm. What do you think he’ll play? "Wiggle Wiggle"?

Another benefit of good customer service- The Impulse Buy. I was in a pet store purchasing food for my cousin Max (who I know wants to be a lemur, it’s so much cooler and he already has the stripes). I couldn’t find his brand, so I asked the clerk. I was standing right in front of it, but he didn’t make me feel foolish for asking, which I greatly appreciated. As I was walking out, I saw a cat tree which I knew Max, the simpleton, would enjoy. $50. I said what the hell, I felt good, why not?… Musical question of the week: If Jimi was alive would he play unplugged…till next time.

Editor’s Kudo to Pete Nordgaard for contributing the article on the following page. Thanks Pete!!!