Monday, December 13, 2004

The Kids in the Hall or What 2004 was Really About

T'was the month before Boxing Day and all through the house, not a creature was still not even a juiced louse.

In a small (but expanding) abode in St. Paul three boys lived and this night was only different because all three were present and one of the boys (the one who was now beyond his expiration date) decided in the middle of the night that he no longer wanted three couches in the living room and the logical one to move was the sofa bed since there was room in the spare bedroom and the spare bedroom does need a bed after all.

Throughout his life the boy had a history of trying to execute decisions not fully thought out and often times he paid the price (that often times was more akin to a FAO Schwartz price than a Kmart price). Moving the couch because of its size and weight, was probably a multiple being job but since not all involved had all their limbs let alone opposable thumbs, the big boy gently led the other two feline sized boys into a section of the house where they would be out of the way and quickly shut the door that barricaded them from the moving activity.

The idea was to tip the sofa onto its side so that it would slide on its cloth upholstery through the opening of the living room into the hallway towards the bedroom. The boy was working on faith that the couch would actually fit through the bedroom door. Somehow, he figured, things would just work themselves out in the end.

The act of tipping was the first clue that the undertaking might be a tad more challenging than expected. The couch was heavy, even heavier than the burdens the boy had been carrying for quite some while. Pushing the couch was doable but maneuvering around corners was a chore. The boy got to a point where he could push no more so he decided to stand the thing up on end. Pushing it upright took all his might and as he held it in mid air he tried to in one motion guide it around the corner of the wall that was serving as an obstacle more daunting than its appearance. The boy pushed and pushed harder and the resulting noise indicated (though he didn't want to look) the scraping of paint from the wall and the scratching of his beautiful wood floor.

With determination and the skinning of knuckles and fingers he finally got the sofa into the hallway but there was nowhere left to go so he stood it up and decided to take a breather. He could hear the other boys rustling on the other side of a closed door, curious at what all the commotion was about and wondering why they were not involved. Hoisting the sofa up on end he knocked a carbon monoxide detector off its wall. "Oh well," the boy thought, "If I die tonight it probably won't be from an undetectable gas anyway."

The boy cooled down and caught his breath. Then he looked at what needed to be done. And there wasn't much to be done. The sofa couldn't move forward and wouldn't move back. He tried turning it. He tried twisting it but it just seemed to get further stuck in place. At this point he felt like crying. But he didn't. The lateness of the hour suddenly was a factor and sleeping on his problem became a tempting option. Instead he let the other boys out of their homey cage and they immediately went over to the sofa that they had never seen in that exact place in that exact position. One of the boys, whose nature caused him to constantly get into everything, immediately climbed his way to the very top of the couch a mere inches away from the ceiling. It was there he perched himself as if this was what all the work had been about. The other freed boy sat with a look of concern on his face as if he wasn't quite sure what to make of the new arrangement.

The option of sleep wasn't going to happen so the decision making boy put the others away again behind the closed door and contemplated what to do next. He decided it might be easier if the metal bed inside the sofa was detached so he got out his screwdriver and tried unscrewing from awkward positions. That was new.

Once the bed was removed the sofa was movable but the angles of the hallway and the narrowness of the bedroom door indicated there was no going forward as much as that was prayed for and desired. Instead the boy became content at trying to get the sofa back to its original position. With further scratching of the floor and nicking of the wall he managed to end up almost where he had begun. Only the bed wouldn't go back into the sofa so now it was useless. It had to be destroyed.

After putting its pillows back in place the sofa looked somewhat worse for the wear, now abnormally shaped. The boy opened the door and the other boys scampered out and again went straight for the object of the commotion. Together the three of them checked out and looked at what was and what was now in front of them and together they knew things wouldn't be quite the same ever again.

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