The Adeam family 2003 Christmas Letter or Miffed and Annoyance
Happy Holidays and I hope the past 365 days have filled you with joy and lots of gravy. For the Adeam family, 2003 was the saddest year on record (remember records are meant to be broken! and have only been kept for six years). There were a lot of fractures and fission (funny how when you check the computer's thesaurus on that particular word it brings up "cleavage" as a choice. Snicker snicker). We all just want to make it through to the New Year and hope for the best.
Little Digger is doing fine. His stint at boarding school in Switzerland ended tragically but he doesn't like to talk about it. The Alps were too "Alp-like"; for him apparently. Digger got his first girlfriend this year, Kim Stathis, the saddest girl in grade two. He figures they are right for each other since she is perhaps the only person on earth that won't ultimately be a lesser person (and far be it for her to be a lesser person) for knowing him. They met in study hall and the baby is due next November. We sent him off for his driver's test last month but he hasn't gotten back yet.
Pappy made lots of money this year. He switched jobs in January going from a position of watching scoundrels argue the issues and get nowhere to helping get them elected and go nowhere.
Mammy continues working on her thesis of whether there are really only two types of people in this world- Shirleys and Leopolds. It's her belief (Fascist as it may be) that you're either a Shirley- the comforting intuitive type, or a Leopold- the intellectual maternal type. In other words you are either for her or against her. Apparently she came up with this theory while she was dating and Pappy hasn't heard the end of it (nor actually the beginning) so he knows both just enough not to really understand it and not be able to forget it. Let's hope she gets that paper done soon. (She still is boiling the pulp.)
The Adeam family lost our beloved pet monkey Chortles in January. He is dearly missed and we have so many extra bananas on hand it isn't even funny. We did adopt two poodles, Precious and David in April. Precious is spunky and relentless while David is missing a limb though he doesn't liked to be defined by what he is missing.
Materially we gathered a lot of dust in 2003. Mammy's collection of plastic newspaper bags have filled more than our kitchen. Pappy's hobby of reading romance novels and weeping his eyes out in a box of kleenex took on new heights (or lows depending on if you're a Leopold or a Shirley). Digger continues to download music though he isn?t allowed to listen to it (thus getting around that whole 'breaking a law' thing).
Athletically Pappy enjoyed his finest softball game ever. He speared a liner, made a spectacular play on a dribbler (you are what your urology exam says!) , and snapped off a double on the new bat that Grandpappy whittled from the tree that fell from Dutch Elm disease. Digger continues to struggle with his checkers play, losing every match feasible. Mammy likes to play hearts on her computer. She considers herself the four of diamonds.
Thus we wrap up yet another year. Time seems to fly by like raisins in a pickle jar. So shake it up because this ain't no jabberwocky this is real wocky!, Mammy likes to sing to hide her hickeys. Hopefully Digger will get back and Pappy will stop sobbing. Hope you all enjoy the Peaches!
-the Adeams (Mammy, Pappy, Digger, Precious, and David)