Monday, October 16, 1995

Out of the Blue

A free newsletter tip in the form of three simple words for all of you who like me spent the entire summer sun tanning- "MOISTURIZE MOISTURIZE MOISTURIZE."

Next time you run out of after dinner mints, a great replacement/altnerative are those little globs of toothpaste leftover in the sink. Once they harden, they make a tasty, breath cleaning, mouth watering delight sure to liven any party!

I have adopted the following philosophy after reading yet another self help book: "I can't wait 'til tomorrow because I keep getting better looking every day..."

One of life's more difficult concepts to grasp is not being fully able to appreciate what you have until you place all of it in its context with the events, struggles and triumphs that make up your past. Sometimes it is easy to complain about the troubles of the day without remembering how hard it was just to make it to that point anyway. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT UNTIL YOU LOSE IT! If you've never been there before, you'll never be there again. But go forth with caution! Those that choose to proceed from this point do so at their own risk! Self indulgence lies ahead! There is nothing I like to talk about more than my personal life. Those that know me best know I just love using my feelings and my knowledge to enlighten others about who we really are. I am nothing if not a people person. My long drawn out "blue period" has been well chronicled and discussed about in all its glorious detail. DIRTY LAUNDRY, BUT CLEAN BOXER SHORTS! Yes, there was a time not all that long ago when you might say I wasn't doing very well, or certainly not as well as I could have been doing. Those around me might not have noticed had it not been for my incessant outbursts of crying. NOT EVEN THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE COULD OFFER A LOAN BIG ENOUGH TO BEGIN TO SOLVE THIS HERE MESS! So how did I get past that and move on to my now burgeoning and successful life? Some say it may or may not have to do with the high volume of Prozac I consumed, or the many hours spent in my Primal Scream therapy sessions; maybe it was the pile of gin bottles I left behind; or maybe even it had to do with my dear, dear devoted wife Samantha; I like to think it had more to do with an inner change- I sunk to such a low that I could sink no lower, and after a while, I developed the philosophy that nobody else's opinion mattered much anymore. If I was going to screw up, I was going to screw up my own way, on my own terms, and damn all those who with or more commonly without malice, tried to knock me off the long lost beaten path. WANNA TALK ABOUT BEAUTY? I've seen it personally. She exists and I don't know exactly which one she is but I know she is part of my life. I used to truly believe that somehow I missed that day in school when they explained to everyone what all of it is about, the very meaning of our lives. Yes it was like me to miss the one and only day of school that was invaluable. THE JOKE WAS ON ME. BUT YOU KNOW, THERE ARE WORSE THINGS IN LIFE THAN BEING THE PUNCHLINE. LIKE BEING A HUMAN PUNCHING BAG! There are so many souls out there with self esteem issues, and as inscrutable as I was and still sometimes am, that fortunately was not one of my problems. Rather you might say my problem was quite the opposite, I had such a large self assured ego that when the kite string began to unravel, I wasn't ready for any of the self searching/ questioning going on, and couldn't understand why others weren't all that shocked I was falling apart in front of all their beady little eyes. Thus it was a still secret, but often silently thanked individual who came along and called me on my own terms. She may have well as bonked me over the head with a sledge hammer, but it took that much to get her message: trust yourself, and pick yourself up because damn it, no one else should have that responsibility, and more importantly, no one else can carry that load. Some may say it is a bit selfish when you are reaching out to someone that they decide to let go, but sometimes it is exactly what you need. And no one believed in me quite so strongly. Self confidence ain't necessarily the same thing as self belief, but they are at the least distant cousins. Once you learn how to believe that the mind's eye is the vision you should be following, and following alone, that is when you begin to show signs of self confidence and that is when others begin to acknowledge that and trust your judgment, tainted as it may or may not be. The little outer environmental successes lead to stepping stone sized strokes to that all important inner voice. Once you decide to take that HUGE step, the one that comes from trusting yourself, and believing you have the ONLY voice that should be listened to without question, is when others begin to see you in different shades of light. BUT DON'T GET COCKY KID! Your voice is your voice alone and as much as it pays to share it, no one else can really listen to it without hearing all those others that may or may not lead them astray. You call her up not when you need her but when you want to. Hers is a voice that sings to you and you listen not because she knows what is right or wrong, but because hers is a voice that knows what you know. You got to remember how to forgive as well as you remember to forget. Being lucky has nothing to do with being blessed. SHREDDED COASTERS. The old isolated predictions ring like a bell, but you know? IT DON'T MATTER. It was all in French.

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