Punky's Dilemma

At the earliest peak of sunlight, as the sun creeps its way over the horizon, it's time for some sleep, but first I must go to my dish for one last drink.


The water tastes good. Perhaps it would taste even better if I dropped one of my morsels of food in it. There. No, now the water doesn't taste good any more. How can I get more?


I'm not that thirsty, I'll just crawl back into bed. I need a warm body to lie next to. Damn I want to lie in the middle of the bed. How do I get him to move over? I'll just sit on his head until he rolls over and then inch by inch I'll make my way towards the middle. Did I hear something out in the living room?


Let's see if I can explain this to you, my understanding of the contract I have here. For free room and board, with all my meals provided, all I have to do is greet him at the door, purr while I sit on his lap, don't urp up my food or hack up too many hairballs, and make sure I use my box. Excuse me, I must lick myself now.


He's getting up now. I'll go sit outside the bathroom door, and wait for my food. Wait, was that a dust mouse I just saw? Wait here, I'll be back.


He's in the kitchen now, I hear a can opening. Damn it ain't for me. Why do I just get this dry stuff? Oh well, won't complain now, too hungry. What's that he's fixing? Man that smells good. Wish he'd just share once in a while. I'll just stare at him until he gives me some. C'mon.


He's reading the newspaper. He needs to pay more attention to me. I'll just go and sit on top of the paper. There, that's comfy.


Hey I smell something. I'll dart to the window so fast he'll be worried. See that kitty out the window there? I can whip its ass. And it better get out of my territory. It's lucky I'm trapped up here.


That sure was a piece of art I left in my litter box, think he'd reward me once in a while. I need a good brushing damn it. Oh well I'll try to get some of this excess hair with my tongue.


Well, it's been a busy morning. Time for a nap. I better find a good spot. The sun isn't up yet so I'll just crawl under the sofa here. Finally, he's going. Now I can get some serious sleep.


Sun's up. I'll just stretch out here. One nap over, time for the next. OOPS someone opened the door downstairs. Better bellow, meow as loud as I can just to let them know I'm here.


Where the hell is he? I better finish up my food so he'll fill up my dish when he gets home. I'm really not that hungry but as long as there's food out, I might as well eat it. What if he never comes back? Who'll feed me?.


Finally, he's home. Of course he's interrupting my nap, but I better greet him just to let him know my dish is empty. A pat on the head? That's all I get? Oh all right, put me down, let's not get too sentimental here, you've only been gone all day. Wait, do I hear something in the other room? I better check it out.


Where exactly does he go every day? All in all, he's a pretty decent guy, a real trend setter. As he gets older and more conservative, the rest of the country seems to follow suit. That's political analysis you can put in the bank.


One thing he does do that irritates me is every week he'll drag this vertical, upright contraption out of the closet and it's the loudest goll darn thing I've ever heard. He runs this thing through the entire apartment. I go to all my usual hiding places, under the bed, under the sofa, on top of the sofa underneath the afghan, but he has to hit every spot. If he's trying to chase me, he's awfully, and I mean awfully slow. I don't get the purpose of the thing. It just plain sucks.


Let's see if I can confuse him by meowing a lot. I won't shut up no matter what he does. Hah it's working. He's picked me up, he's filled my dishes with food and water and now he's getting the brush out. Scratch my belly. Ah, that feels good.


I'll hide under the bed for now. Boy something smells different here. I'll sniff it for a while. Boy that's tiring. Better sleep for a while.


He's on the phone now, I'll just meow and stand far enough away so he can't reach me. Don't yell at me buddy. Better go to the window. Those damn wildcats outside. I better let them know who's the boss. Yeah buster, you're lucky I can't rip your tonsils out from up here. Time to clean myself.


That smell I was telling you about? That was the toy in my toy box. Catnip. Man I feel drunk. Time to lie down. It's been a full day. I'm very sleepy. Excuse me I must lick myself now...