Mr. M Goes to Washington

So anyway, I headed toward our nation's Capitol, determined to change perceptions and opinions. I somewhat succeeded. We got NAFTA and the Brady Bill through, but failed on statehood for the DC area. (Is it legal to have two states named Washngton?)

POLITICAL FUN FACT (Source- Washington Guidebook by John and Katharine Walker, 1963) #1: "What to Wear-Ladies should leave at home shorts, toreador pants, slacks, halters, and all lounging or beach wear. Such dress is inappropriate for sightseeing and is a mark of disrespect for our national monuments."

C'mon now, if you will, and let me take you on a trip, not just any trip, but my trip. Bouncing between skepticism and cynicism, turbulence and nervousness, my plane landed at Washington National, late in the morning.

I stepped into the airport and was greeted by a strange woman. What a town! I thought, they provide personal greeters for those traveling by themselves (or in my case, alone). But wait ... The woman merely wanted my money in order to help save the lives of tortured Iranian babies. I told her I wouldn't give her money, but if she wanted to send me information, I would look it over and consider donating to the cause. "By the time you get it in the mail, two babies will be killed," she informed me. So Dave began his vacation by killing two babies. Swell, just swell.

POLITICAL FUN FACT #2: "Tipping-Tip from 10%-15% of your total bill at meals; checking your coat and hat calls for a tip of $.lo-$.25. If you tip your cab driver, $.lo for a $.50 ride is adequate. You NEVER tip government employees. Your spoken thanks will suffice."

I took the Metro to the Sheraton where I was told it would be four hours before my room would be ready. So, I hung around the lobby with a bunch of career academics, pompous, stuffy and eyeing me like I was the misplaced newsletter editor that I was.

But soon things were to pick up. I met my friend for dinner (average American pseudo-Mexican food). Good conversation, her presence mucho enjoyed after having been mucho missed.. "Sont les mots qui vont tres bien ensemble."

My sister and her friend arrived in town a short while later and the vacation had officially begun. Over the next few days we went to: The Washington Zoo (saw a Panda Bear, Ying Ying or Sing Sing or Ding Ding), the Washington Monument, the Smithsonian, the Lincoln Memorial, the Jefferson Memorial (under rehabilitation), the grave of JFK, Bobby and the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier (witnessed the changing of the guard), and the Vietnam Memorials (with the newly arrived female nurse tribute).

POLITICAL FUN FACT #3: "Don't be nervous about taking the elevator or standing at the top. Although the Washington Monument may be the tallest stone and masonry structure in the world, it is very stable. In a 30-mile wind it sways only one-eighth of an inch. In the last 30 years it has settled a mere 2 inches.

At the Vietnam Memorial, my sister and I were approached by an elderly lady with a runny nose. "What nationality are you?" she asked.

"American," my sister replied. The woman looked disappointed. I think she was looking for someone Vietnamese.

She proceeded with her questions anyway. "Can you explain why our soldiers went there and lulled those poor people?"

We tried to point out that perhaps her blame was placed upon the wrong people. Perhaps she wanted to question her government rather than those who did what they were told, serving their country. How do you explain, interpret a war? Was it my job because I looked like a victim of something?

POLITICAL FUN FACT #4: "What is Past is Prologue" But that was a down right pleasant confrontation compared to the one I had on my way to dinner one evening. I was approached by a man who wanted me to donate to help him cure the AIDS epidemic. I continued walking and he told me not to ignore him, which was one of the problems of "his" country. I apologized but refused to give the man money. Call me a selfish unfeeling tightwad. He walked away with the remark, "That's why so many of us black people want to lull you Asian Americans." Oh yeah? Well I killed two Iranian babies just days before fella ...

The best part of the trip besides friends and family was the food. It was a FFF feast (in a feminist setting). We sampled Italian, Thai, Lebanese, Indian, Mexican, and Roy Rogers. All these were within walking distance from our hotel in a neat little area called Adams Morgan. Next trip: Ethiopian, Greek, Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese, and Baskin Robbins.

POLITICAL FUN FACT #5: "...serves an estimated 50,000,000 meals a year to visitors in addition to filling the dining out needs of a metropolis of two million."

The plane ride back was bumpy and long as Captain Billy was forced to keep us in a holding pattern. Behind me sat two Macalester people who for some reason felt the urge to discuss plane disasters they had heard about. What did I bring back to the Twin Cities with me besides a bevy of good memories, a great time with my sister and a deeper appreciation for a dear friend? Plenty of souvenirs for the kids. Also a sense of what makes this country great. A shot of redemption. Where else can you go and spend a night in a strange area playing a game of cable trivia with other lifeless hotel patrons? (And win on top of that!) Where else can you go to see a man urinating in front of you as you try to down your Ben and Jerry's ice cream or see a woman with plenty of space on either side, decide to sit on a bush? But seriously what I did bring back was a mission. What this area needs is a Metro system, a mass transit operation like they have out there. Easily confused, often times lost, people like myself could even follow the color schemes and clearly drawn out maps. "They're made for people who don't speak any English," my friend said. And still I was able to figure it out.

A person could consider living in the area. My friend even said it would be "good for me" to move out there. For once I don't disagree. A transplanted Midwesterner? Talk to Brandon and Brenda Walsh.