Babysittin'

I seem to have this strong, natural rapport with children. Kiddies just can’t seem to get enough of my natural charisma. That said, I must admit I don’t know how to handle certain situations that occur here at Landfill every now and then. So perhaps some of you seasoned retail professionals can help me out by offering your advice and expertise.

How do you handle a situation where someone brings into the store a couple of screaming, young, playful banshees, who tear around the premises like there is no tomorrow, while their parents remain seemingly oblivious to the public display of unruliness by their young munchkins? Where does your responsibility as a sales clerk come together with having to be someone else’s’ babysitter? At what point do you approach the child, or the parent and ask for a little cooperation? My blood pressure nears boiling point every time a child walks in here and I don’t think that is a good thing.

How do I currently deal with the above? I think one of the best ways to handle any situation is to try and look at it through the other side’s position. In this particular instance, it’s easy to apply that philosophy since kids seem to react and relate to my own maturity level. I am a kid at heart.

Many kids these days grow up at the mall. I was no exception. The mall of my choice, the place where "I came of age" was Rosedale. I actually enjoyed Brookdale more because they had cherry slushies that gave you headaches if you ate them too fast, but that hangout was a bit too far away.

Going back to Rosedale now days is like a walk down memory lane (or is that Penny Lane?). The sights, the sounds, and most of all, the smells bring me back to my youth. Except for one thin: down in the new Dayton’s wing is a wig place.

"Kids seem to react and relate to my own maturity level. I am a kid at heart."

Whenever I walk by, there is someone trying out in all seriousness the most hideous attachment to their head, assisted by a salesperson who herself has a big fluffy thing atop her noggin. It’s beyond absurd, beyond a David Lynch movie, beyond an overload of the senses. Whenever I walk by this place I shudder and mutter to myself, "This is a good old fashioned creep out."

Lest anyone think I’m being sexist, I respond the same way whenever I see a commercial for the Hair Club for Men. Besides Frank Sinatra’s hair transplant, we have yet to come up with a suitable replacement or addition to actual human hair.

But we digress. The point is that the world out there can be very frightening and dangerous for a child. Things can leap out, or tumble down at every moment. Adult supervision is a valuable part of growing up. Where one child might see your store as a big playground, another might see it as a torture chamber where every corner is sharper than a dagger. While you can’t keep an eye out for every possible, potential disaster that might occur, perhaps someone knows a good checklist to prevent catastrophe before it happens?