Playing Doctor

Once upon a couple of weeks ago, I went to the doctor for a check up. Dr. Payne (Pain) was the young lad's name. After my examination, Dr. Pain had but one bit of advice: "You should always wear your seatbelt." Is this what we can expect from Parsdent Clinton's efforts to improve our health care industry? That's the exact same advice my ten-year-old niece has told me for the lat couple of years- and SHE DOESN'T CLAIM TO BE A MEDICAL EXPERT!

When the results of my blood test came back from the lab last wee, I was told that my cholesterol which should be around 200 (200 what?), was much higher than that. Figuring I had only a few weeks left to live, I went to bed that night a bit distressed. I was awoken the next morning by a message playing on my clock radio, "Do you have high cholesterol? You might be a candidate for a new experimental drug..." Now I'm all for new experimental drugs, but I decided (once I chilled out) that I would take a more conventional route and try to get myself in better shape.

NO MORE BUTTERING THE OLD BACON. A better diet? You don't suppose all those breakfast burritos might be a contributing culprit? More exercise? Walking the moping Max doesn't always get the old heart a-pumpin. More sleep? Even our own president needs four hours of sleep.

Will I become a better employee what with my new health conscious approach to life? Perhaps. Last week two people on two different occasions approached me and said, "You seem to be in a good mood." I, in my best Cary Grant voice replied, "I'm always in a good mood. I just hide it better sometimes." Living longer isn't necessarily a worthwhile goal but there are several ways to have a bad heart. And even for the emotionally broken, psychologically damaged, being in better shape can't hurt. Wisdom is supposed to occur with advancing age. In my case in most instances, that hasn't happened; yet I can see where now it takes me longer to bounce back from avoidable abuses.

Last week I met a woman frmo Ohio who is spending her time studying pigs. They are her passion. Her family owns a pig farm and when I asked if killing one of them for dinner wasn't a tad bit difficult, she looked at me as if I had violated the code of pigethics. "Of course not, you don't understand, that's what we do for a living." It's true, I don't understand but I pledge here and now that pork consumption will decrease in my life.

YOu can go too far with these things though. Sure that piece of french silk pie I just polished off might have taken a whole day off the end of my life, but damn, it was tasty.

POTENTIAL BOOKSTORE NAMES
A Bunch of Words Bound Together
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Once Upon a Time
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