Conan Maeda's Retail Tips

Conan Maeda’s Retail Tips

During the 1937 Major League All Star Game, the great Dizzy Dean, one of the memorable members of the goofy "Gashouse Gang" was struck on the toe by a line drive.

Ol’ Diz continued pitching even with the bad toe, but changed his pitching motion to compensate for the pain. As a result, he hurt his arm and was never the same player.

Dizzy then became a radio broadcaster where his colorful anecdotes were told in his equally colorful but butchered version of the English language. So poor was Dizzy’s English that there was actually a

"I discovered over the past week I have the aversion to saying ‘good morning’ to people."

Protest by a group of grade school teachers complaining that the youth of America was picking up on his vernacular and we were raising a generation of country talkin’ verbally stunted children.

This past week I watched the NBA Western Conference Finals with one of the announcers being Earvin "Magic" Johnson. Magic was of course the leader of the great Lakers teams of the 1980’s. He was forced to retire after contracting the HIV virus. Like Ol’ Diz, Magic has a charismatic personality. Like Diz, Magic’s use of the English language can leave a purist gaping.

My biggest linguistic pet peeve is adding the suffix "ness" to a word to make it a noun. Magic has come up with a couple of these that are beyond my tolerance level. Describing Shawn Kemp’s ability to be around the ball at the most opportune times, Magic used the word, "activenness." Describing what Tom Chambers brings off the Phoenix bench, Magic labeled it, "veteranness." Arrggg.

As Rush Limbaugh says (dittos from the newsletter), like it or not, we are judge by the way we speak. So some of us (and Rush is not one of these) try to say as little as possible.

I discovered over the past week I have the aversion to saying "good morning" to people. I don’t know how I developed this among my many neurotic traits but I find myself trying to sneak to my desk without speaking to anyone else. One’s first words are the most important after all.

This brings to mind a recent episode of "Star Trek: TNG" where it was shown one of the Federations’ most difficult missions is first contact with a new species. It is important to build trust from the beginning.

My last roommate and I used to greet each other in the morning with a grumble. That greeting continued for me to everyone I saw until about 9:00. That may work in a big bumbling bureaucracy, but it does not work in a business. One of the new trends in retail is placing someone at the front of the store just to greet incoming customers. I personally don’t like this, makes me edgy.

I don’t appreciate it though, when I bring some merchandise up to a register and get no kind of interaction with the employee. This is the place contact of some kind is necessary even for the most aloof among us "Politeness" and "humanness" are a requirement here.