Monday, March 30, 1998
Language of Love
Dans un reve je regarde dans un miroir et ne vois pas ma reflexion mais un visage d'un etranger. Et en tant que lui me continue se voient se trouver. Se situer dans un lit legerement eleve avec une lumiere solitaire simple juste au-dessus de la tete du lit. Périodiquement une femme a habille tous dans le blanc ouvre la porte et signe juste pour voir si je suis toujours la. Et la majeure partie du temps je suis. Et alors je réveiller et penser où je dix année il y a et comment étroit et loin parti qui sembler et ce point je connaître là aucun tourner dos tel que mon cerveau non arrêter et sommeil échapper pour repos nuit juste comme alors. Il n'y a rien tout à fait si effrayant en tant que commande perdante de votre esprit. Dans bon trame esprit je rendre compte comment je pouvoir jamais pouvoir pour oublier que temps et tout qui amener, mais en même temps je devoir jamais oublier combien je avoir accomplir depuis et à quel point chanceux je pour où je considérer où je. Vous ne vous rendez pas compte vraiment que non seulement à quelle distance vous pouvez tomber mais comment rapide qui la chute peut être. Et une fois que vous êtes tombés que loin l'élever en arrière est déchiqueté et difficile et vous vous trouvez mettre tellement l'énergie en faisant quelque chose que vous aviez l'habitude de prendre pour accordé. Je souvent sentir comme tout ces année il y a je atteindre proverbial fourchette dans route et voie d'accès je choisir pour suivre faux un et je devenir désespéré perdu essayer pour trouver mon voie dos et I quelque point juste devoir recevoir que je jamais trouver que autre voie d'accès encore mais jusqu' pour faire meilleur hors voie d'accès je maintenant en fonction et surtout d'autre mouvement en avant et non en arrière. Il était très difficile, et extrêmement pénible que de venir au point où j'ai dû prendre cette décision si j'ai même voulu continuer. Et réaliser alors la seule voie que je pourrais continuer était de découper mon passé et d'essayer et commencer encore une fois. Cette philosophie a signifié l'essai encore mais dans une voie prudente. La coupure I toutes mes amitiés passées sachant j'ai dû seul aller à la trouvaille moi-même. J'ai obtenu un travail mais un qui n'importeraient pas tout que beaucoup si je ne pourrais pas l'entailler et ne le détruisais pas par la suite. J'ai entré jour après jour et ai délibérément fait le mon mieux à juste fais les tâches professionnelles bien et pas ai laissé n'importe lequel de lui matière et ne pas atteindre tous avec émotion attaché à tout ce qui continuait autour de moi. Et j'ai réussi. C'était à ce point que j'ai découvert la réponse à un des questions qui se sont attardé. J'étais venu pour me demander si l'intérieur de douleur une question du sentiment trop ou ne se sentait pas du tout. Par les tâches menial il est apparu clairement qu'un des raisons que je pourrais prendre que le pas en avant est pour la première fois dans un moment le sentiment du sentiment trop et de ce fait le grillage et ne pas se sentir du tout sont partis. J'étais engourdi mais c'était un bon genre d'engourdi. Et la clé devait faire ce pas en avant. Une fois que cela se produisait d'autres éléments de ma vie ont commencé à réapparaître. J'étais amoureux. J'ai développé la meilleure amitié que j'ai jamais eue. J'ai trouvé ma voix et mon écriture est devenue plus comme elle était avant. Je suis devenu navré mais il était bon d'une voie de voir que mon coeur était toujours là et pourrait la prendre. Je me suis déplacé en fonction de ce travail à un qui m'a donné davantage d'un défi et de plus d'une récompense. Une partie du passé ne m'a pas tout à fait hanté de la même manière qu'elle a eu avant. J'ai progressé jusqu'ici cela le printemps dernier à ma réunion I d'université de dix ans trouvé admettant à un classmate (tout à fait par surprise) que j'étais plus heureux puis que j'avais eu lieu dans tout à fait un moment. Mais il est comme une fois que vous admettez que vous vous êtes maudits. Et les choses rapidement ont démêlé encore. Et je la trouvaille moi-même dans un endroit où je ne me pense pas jamais ai maintenant été tout à fait ceci malheureux avant. N'est pas étant enfoncé une question d'être juste triste. C'est une question de ne pouvoir pas sentir n'importe quel type de joie. C'est différent. Je sais que j'ai détruit quelque chose ici que je n'ai pas voulu détruire. Je me sens perdu à ce que faire et effrayé que la confusion me mènera à cet endroit j'étais et avoir vécu dans la crainte de depuis. La sortie de l'obscurité ne devait pas s'attendre à quelque chose de d'autres. Plutôt elle devait trouver la voie à l'élasticité de me encore. Cette dernière amitié a signifié cela à moi. Il s'est senti bon d'être le type d'ami que j'étais pour elle. Dans le retour elle a renvoyé l'élément de l'amusement dans ma vie encore. Elle était comme tourner en arrière l'horloge. J'ai dépensé tellement le temps et l'énergie par le voyage essayant à la trouvaille moimême; maintenant je me sens comme je trouvais cet individu et n'aime plus cette personne. L'amitié a offert tellement des possibilités intéressantes et tellement aller plus loin pourtant j'étais heureux à à où nous étions. Maintenant elle est allée et le trou est mesurablement plus grand. J'appuie sur mais je sens plus que détruit. J'essaye de voir que ce n'est pas identique, ce ceci est juste un de pertes décevantes inévitables de la vie. Mais l'équilibre est allé et j'ai frappé le dur moulu encore. Je puis seulement espérer que la terre est un bit plus plein cette fois autour. Je ne veux pas tomber cela loin toujours encore. Et bien que le weariness vienne et alarmes que je veux juste apprécier tous j'ai parce que je sais où j'ai été. Quelque chose de précieux et rare, disparaît en air mince et il semble si injuste
Monday, March 23, 1998
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Charlotte Twins
Spring is supposed to bring renewal of the spirit after the dark and cold of a Minnesota winter. This year the spirit could only be darkened by other reasons. And for baseball fans spring means spring training when all fans are supposed to optimistically believe that this is THE year for their team.
I've been a Twins fan since 1973. Doesn't matter how good or bad they are, I'll follow them to the edge of the earth. That said I must admit this year is perhaps the bleakest year ever in my following of the team. It's hard to get excited about a season where it's possible we'll find out it is the last season here in Minnesota and the strength of the team is its utility infielders and bullpen setup pitchers. How did we reach this point? From 1987 to 1994 we topped the New York Yankees in attendance. Two world championships during that time is nothing to sneeze at. We've had the pleasure of watching three sure Hall of Famers (Kirby Puckett, Dave Winfield, and Paul Molitor).
Extraneous circumstances aside what makes this season seem so bleak is the potential of the team that's being fielded. The past few seasons an effort has been made to concede to the disadvantages of small market baseball by compensating in developing young talent. Granted the Twins' recent ability to judge young talent is suspect at best, but it seemed like the best path forward. So the sudden switch in philosophy this past winter in adding very veteran players like Otis Nixon, Mike Morgan and Orlando Merced smacks a bit of desperation.
Position by position this team certainly is no better than last year's version which managed to lose 94 games.
CATCHER: Terry Steinbach is coming off an off year yet to expect much more out of him seems a bit naive seeing he is a 36 year old catcher who while being a solid player has never exactly been in the upper echelon of his peers. His backup should be the catcher of the future, Javier Valentin but will in all likelihood be either a catcher the organization let go in an expansion draft only to reacquire him (Jayhawk Owens) or the injury prone former California Angel Chris Turner (all offense no defense- the second coming of Matt Merullo).
FIRST BASE: This position demonstrates what is clearly wrong with the Twins' current rebuilding strategy. The position will probably be given to Orlando Merced (does anyone else smell a repeat of the glorious Jerald Clark/Kevin Mass era?). In the very least you have to give a still young prospect Scott Stahoviak a chance to prove last year's injury riddled season isn't the norm. But why not go with young David Ortiz who probably has the most power potential in the entire organization? What do you have to lose in trying a player that may become great over a journeyman who at the very most will merely prove to be adequate?
SECOND BASE: The trade of Chuck Knoblauch no doubt weakens the team. You can't lose the best leadoff hitter in the league and not feel that loss. Still this opens the opportunity for Todd Walker to step forward and prove he isn't the latest Willie Banks or David McCarty.
SHORTSTOP: The one unquestionably strong position on the team. Pat Meares may not be flashy but his consistent play is vastly underrated.
THIRD BASE: Ron Coomer is the team's best overall hitter and surprisingly good at defense too. But what about Corie Koskie?
OUTFIELD: The key to the entire season lies on the feet of Marty Cordova. If he proves last season was an aberration then the team will have a potent bat in the middle of the lineup. Nixon in center is a better option than Rich Becker who watched more called strikes last season than anyone in the history of the game. Alex Ochoa and Matt Lawton are examples of what the team should be doing in other areas- giving young players the opportunity to establish themselves.
UTILITY PLAYERS: We have two of the best in Denny Hocking and Brent Gates. If nothing else they give Manager Kelly plenty of versatility and options.
STARTING PITCHING: Again the best way forward seems to be to let the young guys prove themselves at the major league level. The projected starting staff would be: Brad Radke, Bob Tewksbury, Mike Morgan, Latroy Hawkins, and Eric Milton. It isn't as bad as it seems. We're not talking Darrell Jackson, Eddie Bane, Frank Eufemia, Jack O'Connor, here.
RELIEF PITCHING: Absolutely the biggest advantage manager Kelly has at his disposal. Rick Aguilera is still a better than average stopper and the trio of Greg Swindell, Mike Trombley and Eddie Guardado is very good. Unfortunately they'll be called on far too often in blowout situations.
I've been a Twins fan since 1973. Doesn't matter how good or bad they are, I'll follow them to the edge of the earth. That said I must admit this year is perhaps the bleakest year ever in my following of the team. It's hard to get excited about a season where it's possible we'll find out it is the last season here in Minnesota and the strength of the team is its utility infielders and bullpen setup pitchers. How did we reach this point? From 1987 to 1994 we topped the New York Yankees in attendance. Two world championships during that time is nothing to sneeze at. We've had the pleasure of watching three sure Hall of Famers (Kirby Puckett, Dave Winfield, and Paul Molitor).
Extraneous circumstances aside what makes this season seem so bleak is the potential of the team that's being fielded. The past few seasons an effort has been made to concede to the disadvantages of small market baseball by compensating in developing young talent. Granted the Twins' recent ability to judge young talent is suspect at best, but it seemed like the best path forward. So the sudden switch in philosophy this past winter in adding very veteran players like Otis Nixon, Mike Morgan and Orlando Merced smacks a bit of desperation.
Position by position this team certainly is no better than last year's version which managed to lose 94 games.
CATCHER: Terry Steinbach is coming off an off year yet to expect much more out of him seems a bit naive seeing he is a 36 year old catcher who while being a solid player has never exactly been in the upper echelon of his peers. His backup should be the catcher of the future, Javier Valentin but will in all likelihood be either a catcher the organization let go in an expansion draft only to reacquire him (Jayhawk Owens) or the injury prone former California Angel Chris Turner (all offense no defense- the second coming of Matt Merullo).
FIRST BASE: This position demonstrates what is clearly wrong with the Twins' current rebuilding strategy. The position will probably be given to Orlando Merced (does anyone else smell a repeat of the glorious Jerald Clark/Kevin Mass era?). In the very least you have to give a still young prospect Scott Stahoviak a chance to prove last year's injury riddled season isn't the norm. But why not go with young David Ortiz who probably has the most power potential in the entire organization? What do you have to lose in trying a player that may become great over a journeyman who at the very most will merely prove to be adequate?
SECOND BASE: The trade of Chuck Knoblauch no doubt weakens the team. You can't lose the best leadoff hitter in the league and not feel that loss. Still this opens the opportunity for Todd Walker to step forward and prove he isn't the latest Willie Banks or David McCarty.
SHORTSTOP: The one unquestionably strong position on the team. Pat Meares may not be flashy but his consistent play is vastly underrated.
THIRD BASE: Ron Coomer is the team's best overall hitter and surprisingly good at defense too. But what about Corie Koskie?
OUTFIELD: The key to the entire season lies on the feet of Marty Cordova. If he proves last season was an aberration then the team will have a potent bat in the middle of the lineup. Nixon in center is a better option than Rich Becker who watched more called strikes last season than anyone in the history of the game. Alex Ochoa and Matt Lawton are examples of what the team should be doing in other areas- giving young players the opportunity to establish themselves.
UTILITY PLAYERS: We have two of the best in Denny Hocking and Brent Gates. If nothing else they give Manager Kelly plenty of versatility and options.
STARTING PITCHING: Again the best way forward seems to be to let the young guys prove themselves at the major league level. The projected starting staff would be: Brad Radke, Bob Tewksbury, Mike Morgan, Latroy Hawkins, and Eric Milton. It isn't as bad as it seems. We're not talking Darrell Jackson, Eddie Bane, Frank Eufemia, Jack O'Connor, here.
RELIEF PITCHING: Absolutely the biggest advantage manager Kelly has at his disposal. Rick Aguilera is still a better than average stopper and the trio of Greg Swindell, Mike Trombley and Eddie Guardado is very good. Unfortunately they'll be called on far too often in blowout situations.
Monday, March 16, 1998
Madonna Still Has Not Showed
Former Cheapo great Mark Lethert told me his fondest memory of working with me was the day he walked into the store and I was intently and quite seriously listening to Madonna's True Blue. What I didn't tell Mr. Lethert was my secret theory that the song Papa Don't Preach was a song specifically written for me. Sure I've never been an unwed pregnant teenager trying to communicate my plight with my dad but just like Lefty Frizell's Long Black Veil somehow the message of the song was one I had lived somewhere in another lifetime.
I've always admired Madonna's ability to stand so naked (in all connotations of the word) in public. Her ability to express her demons so publicly yet so artistically is purely unique in this increasingly cynical age. Sure her arrogant posturing and do anything to shock nature can get a bit tiresome but with songs like Live To Tell and my favorite song of her's, 'Til Death Do Us Part (which chronicles the disintegration of a relationship better than any song I've ever heard) makes it difficult to ever totally dismiss her.
As I brought home her newest CD, Ray of Light, and I plopped it in the CD player I was quite looking forward to hearing her first post-baby music. I had read in the morning paper how my new second favorite mother of one had found the spiritual and physical benefits of a good Yoga workout just like my favorite mother of two (who by the way I will always associate Madonna's song Secret-as good a description of our friendship as any). About a fourth of the way through the disc I looked at Mr. Max who was looking quite frightened by all the synthesizer space ship gurgling coming from my stereo's speakers and said, "What the hell is this crap?" Producer William Orbit's cosmic orbital techno production gets more than a bit wearying after a while.
I made it all the way through the disc (barely) and felt a tad disappointed. This ray of light isn't so enlightening and isn't so much a ray of hope as it is celebrity navel contemplation. The work continues her efforts to be considered a "serious" artist just as Evita was her attempt at being a "serious" actress. Unfortunately what the disc could use is a dose of her creative humor. Her dabbling with eastern mysticism isn't so original and quite frankly the music is about as inspirational as similar efforts like Gary Wright's Dream Weaver or the Beach Boys' Friends. All the songs sound alike and the sea of electronics washes over all the intimacy of the lyrics and singing. Even the stronger moments like the title song (which is a damn fine song) isn't allowed to stick out amongst the pounding monotony. The first single, Frozen, again contains some heartfelt lyrics "You only see what your eyes want to see. How can life be what you want it to be? You're frozen when your heart's not open." Yet the maddening sound effects rob the song of any of its inherent power.
But this is Madonna after all so I decided the disc was worth a few more listenings. And you know what? It's starting to grow on me. Songs like Nothing Really Matters, Sky Fits Heaven, and The Power of Good-bye are sadly stirring showing a soul in reflection who has found the benefit of giving herself to another (presumably her baby). This is a mature Madonna who seems to regret some of her past abrasiveness. And like all her past great music she is more than willing to share her vulnerability in a universally (and now cosmically) appealing way. The disc ends with her lone acapella voice singing, "I ran and I ran. I'm still running today." And with all the electronic trickery and droning that has preceded this moment, the words become even more touching. Thus the journey to the stratosphere is ultimately tolerable because it is such a personal journey. Like other Madonna products once you get past all the hype and packaging there is a naked voice revealed so joyful in the act of expression.
I've always admired Madonna's ability to stand so naked (in all connotations of the word) in public. Her ability to express her demons so publicly yet so artistically is purely unique in this increasingly cynical age. Sure her arrogant posturing and do anything to shock nature can get a bit tiresome but with songs like Live To Tell and my favorite song of her's, 'Til Death Do Us Part (which chronicles the disintegration of a relationship better than any song I've ever heard) makes it difficult to ever totally dismiss her.
As I brought home her newest CD, Ray of Light, and I plopped it in the CD player I was quite looking forward to hearing her first post-baby music. I had read in the morning paper how my new second favorite mother of one had found the spiritual and physical benefits of a good Yoga workout just like my favorite mother of two (who by the way I will always associate Madonna's song Secret-as good a description of our friendship as any). About a fourth of the way through the disc I looked at Mr. Max who was looking quite frightened by all the synthesizer space ship gurgling coming from my stereo's speakers and said, "What the hell is this crap?" Producer William Orbit's cosmic orbital techno production gets more than a bit wearying after a while.
I made it all the way through the disc (barely) and felt a tad disappointed. This ray of light isn't so enlightening and isn't so much a ray of hope as it is celebrity navel contemplation. The work continues her efforts to be considered a "serious" artist just as Evita was her attempt at being a "serious" actress. Unfortunately what the disc could use is a dose of her creative humor. Her dabbling with eastern mysticism isn't so original and quite frankly the music is about as inspirational as similar efforts like Gary Wright's Dream Weaver or the Beach Boys' Friends. All the songs sound alike and the sea of electronics washes over all the intimacy of the lyrics and singing. Even the stronger moments like the title song (which is a damn fine song) isn't allowed to stick out amongst the pounding monotony. The first single, Frozen, again contains some heartfelt lyrics "You only see what your eyes want to see. How can life be what you want it to be? You're frozen when your heart's not open." Yet the maddening sound effects rob the song of any of its inherent power.
But this is Madonna after all so I decided the disc was worth a few more listenings. And you know what? It's starting to grow on me. Songs like Nothing Really Matters, Sky Fits Heaven, and The Power of Good-bye are sadly stirring showing a soul in reflection who has found the benefit of giving herself to another (presumably her baby). This is a mature Madonna who seems to regret some of her past abrasiveness. And like all her past great music she is more than willing to share her vulnerability in a universally (and now cosmically) appealing way. The disc ends with her lone acapella voice singing, "I ran and I ran. I'm still running today." And with all the electronic trickery and droning that has preceded this moment, the words become even more touching. Thus the journey to the stratosphere is ultimately tolerable because it is such a personal journey. Like other Madonna products once you get past all the hype and packaging there is a naked voice revealed so joyful in the act of expression.
Monday, March 9, 1998
The Day Ms. Danae Flew Away
Dear Mr. Kurbie,
I know the next few weeks are gonna be kind of rough. I was there not too long ago. I know how much you'll miss her and how lonesome you can be. But don't despair Kurbie, she'll be back soon. She always is.
I know it'll be doubly tough for you too because you just moved into your new house. New surroundings can be a bit frightening and unsettling. Why don't they seem to care about the smell emanating from the kitchen? Don't they hear the sound upstairs? Just as you were finally getting used to things settling down a bit things have to change again. You finally found your place in front of the fireplace and now you have to get used to another's routine.
You're probably wondering why you couldn't go with her to Mexico. But believe me she was looking after your best interests. You can't even drink the water for pete's sake! Frolicking on the beach may like sound fun now, but there's a lot to be said for the peace and quite of a nice home.
The guy I watch over went away not too long ago. Dropped me off at a kindly couple's house. They took real good care of me. Didn't chase me around. Didn't make me work for every meal. Went to bed every night and at a reasonable hour. And let me tell you there were plenty of places to explore and hide in their house. After a while I almost felt spoiled. But you know I almost kind of missed the little fella. You get used to them coming home at a certain time, don't you Kurbie? You get used to their many quirks. You get used to their happy faces that light up as they greet you at the door. Those days will be back soon for you my friend.
I haven't had the pleasure of meeting her yet. But I've heard a bit about her and I hear she's a kind person and for that alone you should feel extremely lucky. Kindness is a vastly under appreciated trait. I've heard that her laugh and smile (though a bit devilish) could light up a thousand stars. Her enthusiasm is infectious. He hasn't acted this goofy since longer than I can remember and I think she has played a part in that. I've heard she's a good reader and a Pepper too.
If I have any word of advice for you it is to try to find ways to enjoy the break from your normal routine. At first there may be a concern about who will fill your food and water dishes and who will take you out every day but soon those fears will subside. She made sure those things will be taken care for you my friend. But whoever is taking care of you now doesn't know all the special routines. It's up to you to teach them the ones you love and to take advantage of the ones they don't know about. Enjoy yourself Kurbie, because the day will come sooner than you know when you'll be back to the same old same old. Not that there is anything wrong with that and I can understand it if that is all you want now. All I am saying is there is something to be gained by new experiences. After all, all you really need is a warm place to lie in the sun, a snuggle, and a belly rub now and again.
I hear you are a pretty bright fellow Kurbie. I hear you even know how to ring a bell whenever you want to go outside. I hear your cousin Sammie isn't so well trained. That'll just mean that your talents will be that much more appreciated. From what I hear this is an annual event in your life so you're just going to have to get used to it and find ways to enjoy the time. One of life's hardest lessons is to learn not to pin your hopes on the behavior of others.
Well I gotta get going Kurbie. He's back and I gotta make sure he knows it's time for our Clouseau/Cato romp. I know how much you miss her now but you are a pretty lucky fellow. I'm sure she's thinking of you as much as you are thinking of her. Take care.
Your friend,
-Max
I know the next few weeks are gonna be kind of rough. I was there not too long ago. I know how much you'll miss her and how lonesome you can be. But don't despair Kurbie, she'll be back soon. She always is.
I know it'll be doubly tough for you too because you just moved into your new house. New surroundings can be a bit frightening and unsettling. Why don't they seem to care about the smell emanating from the kitchen? Don't they hear the sound upstairs? Just as you were finally getting used to things settling down a bit things have to change again. You finally found your place in front of the fireplace and now you have to get used to another's routine.
You're probably wondering why you couldn't go with her to Mexico. But believe me she was looking after your best interests. You can't even drink the water for pete's sake! Frolicking on the beach may like sound fun now, but there's a lot to be said for the peace and quite of a nice home.
The guy I watch over went away not too long ago. Dropped me off at a kindly couple's house. They took real good care of me. Didn't chase me around. Didn't make me work for every meal. Went to bed every night and at a reasonable hour. And let me tell you there were plenty of places to explore and hide in their house. After a while I almost felt spoiled. But you know I almost kind of missed the little fella. You get used to them coming home at a certain time, don't you Kurbie? You get used to their many quirks. You get used to their happy faces that light up as they greet you at the door. Those days will be back soon for you my friend.
I haven't had the pleasure of meeting her yet. But I've heard a bit about her and I hear she's a kind person and for that alone you should feel extremely lucky. Kindness is a vastly under appreciated trait. I've heard that her laugh and smile (though a bit devilish) could light up a thousand stars. Her enthusiasm is infectious. He hasn't acted this goofy since longer than I can remember and I think she has played a part in that. I've heard she's a good reader and a Pepper too.
If I have any word of advice for you it is to try to find ways to enjoy the break from your normal routine. At first there may be a concern about who will fill your food and water dishes and who will take you out every day but soon those fears will subside. She made sure those things will be taken care for you my friend. But whoever is taking care of you now doesn't know all the special routines. It's up to you to teach them the ones you love and to take advantage of the ones they don't know about. Enjoy yourself Kurbie, because the day will come sooner than you know when you'll be back to the same old same old. Not that there is anything wrong with that and I can understand it if that is all you want now. All I am saying is there is something to be gained by new experiences. After all, all you really need is a warm place to lie in the sun, a snuggle, and a belly rub now and again.
I hear you are a pretty bright fellow Kurbie. I hear you even know how to ring a bell whenever you want to go outside. I hear your cousin Sammie isn't so well trained. That'll just mean that your talents will be that much more appreciated. From what I hear this is an annual event in your life so you're just going to have to get used to it and find ways to enjoy the time. One of life's hardest lessons is to learn not to pin your hopes on the behavior of others.
Well I gotta get going Kurbie. He's back and I gotta make sure he knows it's time for our Clouseau/Cato romp. I know how much you miss her now but you are a pretty lucky fellow. I'm sure she's thinking of you as much as you are thinking of her. Take care.
Your friend,
-Max
Monday, March 2, 1998
Disturber of the Peace
Just as my faith recently has been a bit shaken, I came to an agreement with my recently discovered and much appreciated spiritually enlightening soon to be Mexico bound seniorita. Together we decided I am not a psychopath the definition of which says one must be "aggressively anti-social." We agreed I was, at best, "assertively anti-social." Whew.
Which brings me to my saddest moment in Cheapo history when one of our favorite former employees admitted to me that she wondered why happiness was such a prevalent feeling in our society since it was a feeling that "she'd never felt."
It was a revelation I have thought about a lot since. And this past Wednesday as I watched the Grammy telecast it was yet another example of how sad I feel when I think about why she made that statement because I ultimately just can not relate. Not that I am one given to hyperbole but wasn't it one of the greatest moments in recorded television history? What up to that moment had been a rather standard television awards show (save for Vanessa Williams nearly being killed by a moving stage prop and the impromptu speech from the rapper from Wu Tang that upstaged Shawn Colvin's acceptance speech) came to life with Bob Dylan's performance of Love Sick.
My favorite CD at the moment is one (Tailgates and Substitutes) containing the first live performance of a Time Out of Mind song which happened last October 1 at the Bournemouth International Centre, with a great version of Love Sick. It's an exciting moment with the strumming of the opening chords when the crowd recognizes what is coming and there is actually a squeal of delight from someone. Dylan's performance at the Grammy's was equally impressive. Bathed in a stream of white light, Dylan and his band stood in front of a group of bohemian dancers dressed in black swaying with the music. It was a scene straight out of Shindig and was much fun in the midst of a typically staid Grammy's show.
The searing performance became even more surreal when one of the dancers pranced forward sans a shirt with the words "soy bomb" painted on his chest. Leaving the hip boppers behind this individual soy boy spastically did an interpretive dance next to Dylan who merely glanced at him and coolly continued singing without batting an eye. Bob sang with great passion, "I'm sick of love, I'm love sick..." (only Bob could snarl such lyrics so convincingly at a national audience) and it was such a spellbinding moment that I even managed to crack a smile, ear to ear. Dylan again proved what a great live performer he is as he leaned into his guitar solo knees slightly bent, pointing his guitar toward the audience, tommy gun style. As the dancer was escorted from the stage Bob glanced at his bassist Tony Garnier who shrugged and smiled. A scan of the audience was equally bizarre showing a joyful Patti Smith whooping it up behind Tara Lipinski as Celine Dion pulled up her dress.
The crowd gave Dylan a standing ovation seemingly more out of a sense of obligation than actual appreciation. Later as he accepted the award for album of the year he seemed truly proud of his honor. Rather than give an unconventional acceptance speech (which has been his history) he gave a gracious and somewhat standard acknowledgment of those that helped him be so appropriately recognized. And he topped it off by telling of the time he saw Buddy Holly perform in Duluth and how Buddy had somehow been with him during the recording of Time Out of Mind.
In 1991 at his last appearance at the Grammy's Dylan gave a stumbling performance in his acceptance of a lifetime achievement award. Coming in the days following the opening of Desert Storm, he chose to sing his most bitter antiwar song, Masters of War in a version where all the words were slurred into one. His coinciding speech was brief and typically cryptic: "My father didn't leave me much... he did say 'son it's possible to become so defiled in this world that even your own mother and father will abandon you. But God will always believe in your own ability to mend your own ways.' Thank you..." Compared to that this time around Dylan's speech was almost normal. In fact right after he left the stage my phone rang. As my heart stopped I wondered who was calling me and it turned out to be the fourth least likely person who would call me. This person, who is hardly a Dylan fan admitted he was impressed by the performance. That he knew I would be excited and cared enough to call meant quite a bit to me.
There are those rare instances in life that truly make you appreciate all that is to be treasured and remembered. I thank Mr. Bob et al for last Wednesday night which provided one of them increasingly hard to find happy moments.
Which brings me to my saddest moment in Cheapo history when one of our favorite former employees admitted to me that she wondered why happiness was such a prevalent feeling in our society since it was a feeling that "she'd never felt."
It was a revelation I have thought about a lot since. And this past Wednesday as I watched the Grammy telecast it was yet another example of how sad I feel when I think about why she made that statement because I ultimately just can not relate. Not that I am one given to hyperbole but wasn't it one of the greatest moments in recorded television history? What up to that moment had been a rather standard television awards show (save for Vanessa Williams nearly being killed by a moving stage prop and the impromptu speech from the rapper from Wu Tang that upstaged Shawn Colvin's acceptance speech) came to life with Bob Dylan's performance of Love Sick.
My favorite CD at the moment is one (Tailgates and Substitutes) containing the first live performance of a Time Out of Mind song which happened last October 1 at the Bournemouth International Centre, with a great version of Love Sick. It's an exciting moment with the strumming of the opening chords when the crowd recognizes what is coming and there is actually a squeal of delight from someone. Dylan's performance at the Grammy's was equally impressive. Bathed in a stream of white light, Dylan and his band stood in front of a group of bohemian dancers dressed in black swaying with the music. It was a scene straight out of Shindig and was much fun in the midst of a typically staid Grammy's show.
The searing performance became even more surreal when one of the dancers pranced forward sans a shirt with the words "soy bomb" painted on his chest. Leaving the hip boppers behind this individual soy boy spastically did an interpretive dance next to Dylan who merely glanced at him and coolly continued singing without batting an eye. Bob sang with great passion, "I'm sick of love, I'm love sick..." (only Bob could snarl such lyrics so convincingly at a national audience) and it was such a spellbinding moment that I even managed to crack a smile, ear to ear. Dylan again proved what a great live performer he is as he leaned into his guitar solo knees slightly bent, pointing his guitar toward the audience, tommy gun style. As the dancer was escorted from the stage Bob glanced at his bassist Tony Garnier who shrugged and smiled. A scan of the audience was equally bizarre showing a joyful Patti Smith whooping it up behind Tara Lipinski as Celine Dion pulled up her dress.
The crowd gave Dylan a standing ovation seemingly more out of a sense of obligation than actual appreciation. Later as he accepted the award for album of the year he seemed truly proud of his honor. Rather than give an unconventional acceptance speech (which has been his history) he gave a gracious and somewhat standard acknowledgment of those that helped him be so appropriately recognized. And he topped it off by telling of the time he saw Buddy Holly perform in Duluth and how Buddy had somehow been with him during the recording of Time Out of Mind.
In 1991 at his last appearance at the Grammy's Dylan gave a stumbling performance in his acceptance of a lifetime achievement award. Coming in the days following the opening of Desert Storm, he chose to sing his most bitter antiwar song, Masters of War in a version where all the words were slurred into one. His coinciding speech was brief and typically cryptic: "My father didn't leave me much... he did say 'son it's possible to become so defiled in this world that even your own mother and father will abandon you. But God will always believe in your own ability to mend your own ways.' Thank you..." Compared to that this time around Dylan's speech was almost normal. In fact right after he left the stage my phone rang. As my heart stopped I wondered who was calling me and it turned out to be the fourth least likely person who would call me. This person, who is hardly a Dylan fan admitted he was impressed by the performance. That he knew I would be excited and cared enough to call meant quite a bit to me.
There are those rare instances in life that truly make you appreciate all that is to be treasured and remembered. I thank Mr. Bob et al for last Wednesday night which provided one of them increasingly hard to find happy moments.
Monday, February 16, 1998
Album of the Year- She Rhymes with Grammy
There is plenty of mediocre music being sold in our stores but every once in a great while a CD will come along that manages to strike the right chord inside and makes one stop and marvel and remind us of the magic of an inspired artist. We're not talking just a CD of well thought out and heartfelt music, we're talking the rare mixture of intimate lyrics that speak to the many while expressing the heart and soul of a sole individual or group; and of music that mixes seamlessly with the words to bring out all possible emotion.
The last time this occurred for me was with Paul Simon's Graceland which was a combination of a talented artist at the top of his craft somehow creating something that expressed my particular place in life better than I ever could. "And I could say oo oo oo and everybody would know what I was talking about, everybody would know exactly what I was talking about." Last September with the release of Bob Dylan's Time Out of Mind that experience happened once again. Whether it wins the Grammy for best album or not, Time Out of Mind for me will forever mark the events of 1997 in a poetic way- like the difference between a photograph and a painting.
Blonde on Blonde perhaps captures Dylan's manic genius and unmatched wordplay better, while Blood on the Tracks will forever remain more popular and accessible, and Street Legal will remain the closest account of a recorded nervous breakdown, but Time Out of Mind is for me Dylan's most personal work while being both his most heartbreaking and heartstopping CD.
"Gonna walk down that dirt road until my eyes begin to bleed, 'til there's nothing left to see, 'til the chains have been shattered and I've been freed." The overriding confusion is trying to figure out whether one wants to work things out or whether one wants to walk away. "Lookin at my shadow, looking at the colors up above. Rolling through the rain and hail, looking for the sunny side of love." For all the pain the singer expresses, he realizes that to be inspired through the love of another is hard to walk away from.
My current favorite song is the third track, Standing in the Doorway which initially struck me as too trite to consider one of Dylan's major efforts. But there are several vocal moments on this track that make the listener smile and cringe at the same moment and isn't that what the best art does? "I see nothing to be gained by any explanation, there's no words that need to be said. You left me standin' in the doorway cryin' blues wrapped around my head." I originally thought the line, "Don't know if I saw you if I would kiss you or kill you, it probably wouldn't matter to you anyhow" seemed somewhat inappropriate in the post-OJ world, but it is one of many where the singer questions whether he misses her or whether he wishes he never had met her. There are several "Dylan" trademark moments in the performance. "The light in this place is so bad, making me sick in the head. All the laughter is just making me sad.""I would be crazy if I took you back, it would go up against every rule. You left me standin' in the doorway cryin' suffering' like a fooool." The lyrics seem simple in the best blues tradition but the way he sings "fool" and "head" prove what a great and totally original singer he still is.
"You took a part of me that I really miss." The next track Million Miles is one I haven't yet come to fully understand and appreciate. The performance isn't quite as intense as the previous track and doesn't match the accessibility of the following track. It portrays the crux of the problem of the relationship gone bad, "Did so many things I never did intend to do. Well, I've tried to get closer but I'm still a million miles away from you." This being Dylan's 41st official release it amazes me that after all that time he can still write in a way that is in a totally different language than he has used before. Gone are the cryptic, clever expressions of the soul; the lyrics on Time Out of Mind are unabashedly straightforward. To reveal one's heart is the single most difficult thing any one of us can do, that Dylan does it so clearly and willingly here is remarkable.
Bob Dylan doesn't exactly need much of a shelf to hold his Grammy awards. During his thirty seven year recording career he has won three Grammys: one in 1979 for his vocal performance on Gotta Serve Somebody; one in 1991 (when during the show he sang a buzzing and much talked about version of Masters of War as the Gulf War was just beginning) for life time achievement; and one in 1993 for Best Contemporary Folk Album on World Gone Wrong. For his Time Out of Mind to win the Best Album of the Year award he faces the difficult task of somehow beating the more popular Babyface and Paula Cole not to mention fellow icon Paul McCartney.
Nonetheless Time Out of Mind is an impressive work from an artist whose catalog of work remains vital and inspiring. TOOM with its old time blues backdrop underneath a contemporary Daniel Lanois production is one of Dylan's better sounding CDs. The overall texture is simple with a variety of instruments (most notably Augie Meyer's spooky organ) complimenting Dylan's bluesy vocals. The CD is thematically linked through all eleven songs which share some common themes in Dylan's work. The notion of time being a concept as concrete and elusive as a place is one Dylan has contemplated throughout his career. While a song like Tangled Up in Blue takes place in the past present and future, songs on TOOM all have the singer stuck with his present which has been forever colored by relationships and events in the past, while he sees a bleak future which is as inevitable as his present and past.
The song on TOOM which sounds most like a "traditional" Dylan song is Tryin To Get to Heaven (Before they Close the Door). The countryish melody and sometimes nonsensical lyrics sound straight from the Basement Tapes. The motif suggests similarities to Knockin on Heaven's Door. But the theme of a drifting and scarred soul link it ever so tightly with the other ten songs on the CD. "Every day your memory grows dimmer, it doesn't haunt me like it did before. I've been walking through the middle of nowhere, tryin to get to heaven before they close the door." The next verse dredges up images of Americana, placing the singer in Missouri on his way to New Orleans thinking about a woman, Miss Mary Jane, in Baltimore. "People on the platforms, waitin' for the trains. I can hear their hearts a-beatin' like pendulums swinging on their chains."
Despite his claims, whatever (or whoever) the singer is trying to forget and leave behind remains with him. "You broke the heart that loved you. Now you can seal up the book and not write anymore.""When you think that you've lost everything, you find out you can always lose a little more." He longs for heaven not for any redemption but for release from his feelings and memories. "Gonna sleep down in the parlor and relive my dreams. I close my eyes and I wonder, if everything is as hollow as it seems."
The next song, 'Til I fell in Love With You sounds like a long lost blues classic. "My nerves are exploding and my body's tense, I feel like the whole world got me pinned up against the fence." The answer this singer is seeking isn't so much of a release but an explanation as to his loss. "I've been hit too hard, I've seen too much. Nothing can heal me now but your touch. I just don't know what I'm gonna do, I was all right ''til I fell in love with you." The singer not only regrets losing her, he regrets ever knowing her.
The aftermath of those feelings continue in Not Dark Yet, the type of song that only Dylan seems capable of writing. It isn't so much the loss of a woman that saddens the singer. "She wrote me a letter and she wrote it so kind. She put down in writin' what was in her mind" so much as a world that increasingly makes little sense. Dylan's religious views have been a mjaor area of speculation from his fans ever since his conversion to born again Christianity in 1979. Thus the line "I was born here and I'll die here against my will. I feel like I'm movin' but I'm standin' still" suggest a person still seeking eternal answers while lines like "Don't even hear the murmur of a prayer" and "Feel like my soul has turned into steel. I've still got the scars that the sun/son didn't heal" makes one wonder if the answers from the past still hold any comfort. Not Dark Yet seems like a pessimistic song with its tagline- "It's not dark yet, but it's getting there" yet there is something almost reassuring and redeeming in the darkness that the singer sings about.
The other Grammy nomination Dylan received for TOOM was for his vocal performance on Cold Irons Bound that does indeed have some of the most intense singing on the CD. The song opens with a mesmerizing bass riff from Tony Garnier quickly embellished by the cry of the line "I'm beginning to hear voices and there's no one around." As the title of ths song suggests, the singer feels trapped by his past, his feelings and the world around him. "I went to church on Sunday and she passed by. My love for her has taken such a long time to die." What makes the vocals on this song different from the others is a harshness, an anger (at her? at himself?) that is rooted not so much in regret but in disappointment and confusion. The pinnacle line from the entire set is: "It's such a sad thing to see beauty decay. It's sadder still to feel your heart turn away" summing up the overriding feeling of the writer who isn't so much heartbroken as broken spirited. The feeling of loss goes beyond the loss of a relationship ("I'm going to remember forever the joy we've shared. Looking at you on my bended knee. You've no idea what you did to me."); it's a loss of connection with himself ("I'm out of control like the universe has swallowed me whole"), and the world around him ("There's too many people too many to make calls. I thought some of them were friends of mine, I was wrong about 'em all.") It's the loss of his past, and feeling so lost in the present that the longing for the future isn't so much a hope for anything better, it's just that the future is a different time and thus place than the current world. To get there is to continue down the road trying not to be distracted by keeping the concept of time out of mind.
Even the CD's "love song" has an edge of darkness to it. Make You Feel My Love is a simple ballad with simple lyrics. Unlike any of the other songs, the singer is actually singing to another individual. Yet it clearly is in the ashes of all that has come before and the person the song is about isn't the same person as before. "When the evening shatters and the stars appear and there is no one there to dry your tears. I could hold you for a million years, to make you feel my love." Simple in its straightforward language, the edge comes from the words "make you feel" as if the singer is past trying to impress, inspire, and court his love. This is a proposal resigned to its black and white nature. "Though storms are raging on the rolling sea and on the highway of regrets. Though winds of change are blowing wild and free, you ain't seen nothing like me yet."
But by the next song the singer is back to thinking of the way things were in the past. A sense of impatience gives way to desperation. "You understand that my heart can't go on beatin' without you. Well your loveliness has wounded me, I'm reeling from the blow. I wish I knew what it was that keeps me loving you so." Unlike the other songs, this singer seems to almost be looking at things with an ironic eye. "It's mighty funny, the end of time has just begun. I thought somehow that I would be spared this fate. I don't know how much longer I can wait." Coming to terms with his own vulnerability, he places the blame squarely on her shoulders. "If I ever saw you comin' I don't know what I might do. I'd like to think I could control myself but it isn't true. That's how it is when things disintegrate."
The CD appropriately concludes with the sprawling Highlands a sixteen minute opus full of dry wit and mundane scenes of daily events. "Windows were shaking all night in my dreams. Everything was exactly the way that it seems. Woke up this morning and I looked at the same old page, same old rat race, life in the same old cage." The singer plays a Neil Young song only to have someone tell him to turn it down. He ends up in an empty Boston restaurant where he flirts with the waitress. "I said, 'Tell me what I want' she says 'You probably want hard boiled eggs.' I say, 'That's right bring me some.' She says, 'We ain't got any, you picked the wrong time to come.' Then she says, 'I know you're an artist, draw a picture of me.' I said, 'I would if I could but I don't do sketches from memory.'" He escapes the restaurant only to end up in a park where he watches "young men with the young women lookin so good" and admits he wishes he could turn back the clock and be like them again. Highlands completes the journey from the one who was walking through streets that were dead and now ends up with his heart on a higher plain. The journey has confused him and will continue to confuse him but through the journey he has accepted that in his heart. "The sun is beginning to shine on me, but it's not like the sun that used to be. The party's over and there's less and less to say. I got new eyes, everything looks far away." The dark brooding of all the interconnected lines from the songs gives way to the expression of those feelings. He longs to be in the highlands, and he still has a ways to go before he figures out how to get there, but the vision of what that means will get him through his current state of feelings.
********
Back when I was on my secret government mission I only brought one tape with me, a bootleg concert of Dylan in Australia. I listened to that tape over and over and there was something extremely reassuring in the voice of one who was as confused about his feelings as I was about my own yet found redemption in sharing that with his audience. On Time Out of Mind it is the heartfelt urgency and conviction that powers each song. The writer /singer needs to express himself through these songs. There is not a forced or unconvincing moment on the entire CD. Though the songs are full of the blues, of feelings of loss not only from someone near to the heart but with a connection to the world at large, it's the resiliency of spirit one is left with after listening to the CD. That it has connected with the public more than any other Dylan CD in a long time suggests expressing the heart may have been emotionally difficult but artistically cathartic.
NEXT WEEK: AN ANALYSIS OF HANSON'S MIDDLE OF NOWHERE
The last time this occurred for me was with Paul Simon's Graceland which was a combination of a talented artist at the top of his craft somehow creating something that expressed my particular place in life better than I ever could. "And I could say oo oo oo and everybody would know what I was talking about, everybody would know exactly what I was talking about." Last September with the release of Bob Dylan's Time Out of Mind that experience happened once again. Whether it wins the Grammy for best album or not, Time Out of Mind for me will forever mark the events of 1997 in a poetic way- like the difference between a photograph and a painting.
Blonde on Blonde perhaps captures Dylan's manic genius and unmatched wordplay better, while Blood on the Tracks will forever remain more popular and accessible, and Street Legal will remain the closest account of a recorded nervous breakdown, but Time Out of Mind is for me Dylan's most personal work while being both his most heartbreaking and heartstopping CD.
"Gonna walk down that dirt road until my eyes begin to bleed, 'til there's nothing left to see, 'til the chains have been shattered and I've been freed." The overriding confusion is trying to figure out whether one wants to work things out or whether one wants to walk away. "Lookin at my shadow, looking at the colors up above. Rolling through the rain and hail, looking for the sunny side of love." For all the pain the singer expresses, he realizes that to be inspired through the love of another is hard to walk away from.
My current favorite song is the third track, Standing in the Doorway which initially struck me as too trite to consider one of Dylan's major efforts. But there are several vocal moments on this track that make the listener smile and cringe at the same moment and isn't that what the best art does? "I see nothing to be gained by any explanation, there's no words that need to be said. You left me standin' in the doorway cryin' blues wrapped around my head." I originally thought the line, "Don't know if I saw you if I would kiss you or kill you, it probably wouldn't matter to you anyhow" seemed somewhat inappropriate in the post-OJ world, but it is one of many where the singer questions whether he misses her or whether he wishes he never had met her. There are several "Dylan" trademark moments in the performance. "The light in this place is so bad, making me sick in the head. All the laughter is just making me sad.""I would be crazy if I took you back, it would go up against every rule. You left me standin' in the doorway cryin' suffering' like a fooool." The lyrics seem simple in the best blues tradition but the way he sings "fool" and "head" prove what a great and totally original singer he still is.
"You took a part of me that I really miss." The next track Million Miles is one I haven't yet come to fully understand and appreciate. The performance isn't quite as intense as the previous track and doesn't match the accessibility of the following track. It portrays the crux of the problem of the relationship gone bad, "Did so many things I never did intend to do. Well, I've tried to get closer but I'm still a million miles away from you." This being Dylan's 41st official release it amazes me that after all that time he can still write in a way that is in a totally different language than he has used before. Gone are the cryptic, clever expressions of the soul; the lyrics on Time Out of Mind are unabashedly straightforward. To reveal one's heart is the single most difficult thing any one of us can do, that Dylan does it so clearly and willingly here is remarkable.
Bob Dylan doesn't exactly need much of a shelf to hold his Grammy awards. During his thirty seven year recording career he has won three Grammys: one in 1979 for his vocal performance on Gotta Serve Somebody; one in 1991 (when during the show he sang a buzzing and much talked about version of Masters of War as the Gulf War was just beginning) for life time achievement; and one in 1993 for Best Contemporary Folk Album on World Gone Wrong. For his Time Out of Mind to win the Best Album of the Year award he faces the difficult task of somehow beating the more popular Babyface and Paula Cole not to mention fellow icon Paul McCartney.
Nonetheless Time Out of Mind is an impressive work from an artist whose catalog of work remains vital and inspiring. TOOM with its old time blues backdrop underneath a contemporary Daniel Lanois production is one of Dylan's better sounding CDs. The overall texture is simple with a variety of instruments (most notably Augie Meyer's spooky organ) complimenting Dylan's bluesy vocals. The CD is thematically linked through all eleven songs which share some common themes in Dylan's work. The notion of time being a concept as concrete and elusive as a place is one Dylan has contemplated throughout his career. While a song like Tangled Up in Blue takes place in the past present and future, songs on TOOM all have the singer stuck with his present which has been forever colored by relationships and events in the past, while he sees a bleak future which is as inevitable as his present and past.
The song on TOOM which sounds most like a "traditional" Dylan song is Tryin To Get to Heaven (Before they Close the Door). The countryish melody and sometimes nonsensical lyrics sound straight from the Basement Tapes. The motif suggests similarities to Knockin on Heaven's Door. But the theme of a drifting and scarred soul link it ever so tightly with the other ten songs on the CD. "Every day your memory grows dimmer, it doesn't haunt me like it did before. I've been walking through the middle of nowhere, tryin to get to heaven before they close the door." The next verse dredges up images of Americana, placing the singer in Missouri on his way to New Orleans thinking about a woman, Miss Mary Jane, in Baltimore. "People on the platforms, waitin' for the trains. I can hear their hearts a-beatin' like pendulums swinging on their chains."
Despite his claims, whatever (or whoever) the singer is trying to forget and leave behind remains with him. "You broke the heart that loved you. Now you can seal up the book and not write anymore.""When you think that you've lost everything, you find out you can always lose a little more." He longs for heaven not for any redemption but for release from his feelings and memories. "Gonna sleep down in the parlor and relive my dreams. I close my eyes and I wonder, if everything is as hollow as it seems."
The next song, 'Til I fell in Love With You sounds like a long lost blues classic. "My nerves are exploding and my body's tense, I feel like the whole world got me pinned up against the fence." The answer this singer is seeking isn't so much of a release but an explanation as to his loss. "I've been hit too hard, I've seen too much. Nothing can heal me now but your touch. I just don't know what I'm gonna do, I was all right ''til I fell in love with you." The singer not only regrets losing her, he regrets ever knowing her.
The aftermath of those feelings continue in Not Dark Yet, the type of song that only Dylan seems capable of writing. It isn't so much the loss of a woman that saddens the singer. "She wrote me a letter and she wrote it so kind. She put down in writin' what was in her mind" so much as a world that increasingly makes little sense. Dylan's religious views have been a mjaor area of speculation from his fans ever since his conversion to born again Christianity in 1979. Thus the line "I was born here and I'll die here against my will. I feel like I'm movin' but I'm standin' still" suggest a person still seeking eternal answers while lines like "Don't even hear the murmur of a prayer" and "Feel like my soul has turned into steel. I've still got the scars that the sun/son didn't heal" makes one wonder if the answers from the past still hold any comfort. Not Dark Yet seems like a pessimistic song with its tagline- "It's not dark yet, but it's getting there" yet there is something almost reassuring and redeeming in the darkness that the singer sings about.
The other Grammy nomination Dylan received for TOOM was for his vocal performance on Cold Irons Bound that does indeed have some of the most intense singing on the CD. The song opens with a mesmerizing bass riff from Tony Garnier quickly embellished by the cry of the line "I'm beginning to hear voices and there's no one around." As the title of ths song suggests, the singer feels trapped by his past, his feelings and the world around him. "I went to church on Sunday and she passed by. My love for her has taken such a long time to die." What makes the vocals on this song different from the others is a harshness, an anger (at her? at himself?) that is rooted not so much in regret but in disappointment and confusion. The pinnacle line from the entire set is: "It's such a sad thing to see beauty decay. It's sadder still to feel your heart turn away" summing up the overriding feeling of the writer who isn't so much heartbroken as broken spirited. The feeling of loss goes beyond the loss of a relationship ("I'm going to remember forever the joy we've shared. Looking at you on my bended knee. You've no idea what you did to me."); it's a loss of connection with himself ("I'm out of control like the universe has swallowed me whole"), and the world around him ("There's too many people too many to make calls. I thought some of them were friends of mine, I was wrong about 'em all.") It's the loss of his past, and feeling so lost in the present that the longing for the future isn't so much a hope for anything better, it's just that the future is a different time and thus place than the current world. To get there is to continue down the road trying not to be distracted by keeping the concept of time out of mind.
Even the CD's "love song" has an edge of darkness to it. Make You Feel My Love is a simple ballad with simple lyrics. Unlike any of the other songs, the singer is actually singing to another individual. Yet it clearly is in the ashes of all that has come before and the person the song is about isn't the same person as before. "When the evening shatters and the stars appear and there is no one there to dry your tears. I could hold you for a million years, to make you feel my love." Simple in its straightforward language, the edge comes from the words "make you feel" as if the singer is past trying to impress, inspire, and court his love. This is a proposal resigned to its black and white nature. "Though storms are raging on the rolling sea and on the highway of regrets. Though winds of change are blowing wild and free, you ain't seen nothing like me yet."
But by the next song the singer is back to thinking of the way things were in the past. A sense of impatience gives way to desperation. "You understand that my heart can't go on beatin' without you. Well your loveliness has wounded me, I'm reeling from the blow. I wish I knew what it was that keeps me loving you so." Unlike the other songs, this singer seems to almost be looking at things with an ironic eye. "It's mighty funny, the end of time has just begun. I thought somehow that I would be spared this fate. I don't know how much longer I can wait." Coming to terms with his own vulnerability, he places the blame squarely on her shoulders. "If I ever saw you comin' I don't know what I might do. I'd like to think I could control myself but it isn't true. That's how it is when things disintegrate."
The CD appropriately concludes with the sprawling Highlands a sixteen minute opus full of dry wit and mundane scenes of daily events. "Windows were shaking all night in my dreams. Everything was exactly the way that it seems. Woke up this morning and I looked at the same old page, same old rat race, life in the same old cage." The singer plays a Neil Young song only to have someone tell him to turn it down. He ends up in an empty Boston restaurant where he flirts with the waitress. "I said, 'Tell me what I want' she says 'You probably want hard boiled eggs.' I say, 'That's right bring me some.' She says, 'We ain't got any, you picked the wrong time to come.' Then she says, 'I know you're an artist, draw a picture of me.' I said, 'I would if I could but I don't do sketches from memory.'" He escapes the restaurant only to end up in a park where he watches "young men with the young women lookin so good" and admits he wishes he could turn back the clock and be like them again. Highlands completes the journey from the one who was walking through streets that were dead and now ends up with his heart on a higher plain. The journey has confused him and will continue to confuse him but through the journey he has accepted that in his heart. "The sun is beginning to shine on me, but it's not like the sun that used to be. The party's over and there's less and less to say. I got new eyes, everything looks far away." The dark brooding of all the interconnected lines from the songs gives way to the expression of those feelings. He longs to be in the highlands, and he still has a ways to go before he figures out how to get there, but the vision of what that means will get him through his current state of feelings.
********
Back when I was on my secret government mission I only brought one tape with me, a bootleg concert of Dylan in Australia. I listened to that tape over and over and there was something extremely reassuring in the voice of one who was as confused about his feelings as I was about my own yet found redemption in sharing that with his audience. On Time Out of Mind it is the heartfelt urgency and conviction that powers each song. The writer /singer needs to express himself through these songs. There is not a forced or unconvincing moment on the entire CD. Though the songs are full of the blues, of feelings of loss not only from someone near to the heart but with a connection to the world at large, it's the resiliency of spirit one is left with after listening to the CD. That it has connected with the public more than any other Dylan CD in a long time suggests expressing the heart may have been emotionally difficult but artistically cathartic.
NEXT WEEK: AN ANALYSIS OF HANSON'S MIDDLE OF NOWHERE
Monday, February 9, 1998
Welcome to the Jungle
Four of the announced candidates for the office of Minnesota Secretary of State spoke at the Metropolitan Association of County Officers' Conference in St. Louis Park last Tuesday evening. DFLers Edwina Garcia, Dee Long, Ann Rest, and Republican Judy Schotzko spoke to a group of about 300 county auditors, treasurers, recorders, and election administrators.
The four candidates focused on the election duties of the position agreeing that increased voter participation was a key goal of the office which has attracted interest since Joan Growe, the current Secretary of State, announced that her 24th year in office would be her last.
The candidates said they are in favor of limited mail ballot elections and less stringent qualifications for absentee voting to increase voter turnout. "When I'm elected I plan to go out before elections and knock on doors, rile people up, Garcia said. "Our job is to promote good citizenship, convince people to be involved, to care to do something." Garcia a state representative for the past eight years said that her desire to be Secretary of State is based on "making Minnesota work better."
While favoring efforts to increase voter turnout all four also said that safeguards against voter fraud and going out to the polls where people get together as a community on election day remain important. "I like the tradition of the polling place of people gathering together to vote with the flag outside," Schotzko said.
Rest who currently is a state representative from the Crystal and New Hope area said being a member of her community's school board convinced her how important voter participation is. "Voters are stakeholders who do make a difference," she said.
Schotzko said though this is her first try for an elected office, her husband said that she had been "preparing twenty five years for this." She currently is an attorney in the city of Blue Earth after having served eleven years on the State Ethical Practices Board.
Long said that when people ask her why she is leaving the House of Representatives for a run at the Secretary of State she replies, "I think it's better to have people ask 'why are you leaving?' rather than 'why don't you leave?'"
All the candidates also said that a non binding Presidential Primary like Minnesota had in 1992 was a failed effort. "It's time to get rid of it unless we can get the state to pay the entire cost," Long said. The candidates also agreed that a change in the State's Primary Election to an earlier date would improve the electoral process. "There's not enough time between the primary which is on September 15th and the general which will be on November 3rd, for DFLer's to get their message across," Rest said. The candidates acknowledged their audience by saying that the teamwork between the county personnel and the Secretary of State's office was what made the election processes successful.
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One member of the audience prepared for the evening by cranking a Guns and Roses tape and doing some serious head banging on his drive into the conference. It was the perfect buffer for one who constantly struggles with the mixture, and lack thereof, of the different spheres in his life. So successful has he been in separating the spheres that seldom do they ever intersect. Thus the mixture of GNR with this evening was deliberately startling. To remain detached is to strive to be the perpetual outsider looking in. To witness politics first hand and to be equally fascinated and repulsed by the political world is quite a contrast with being inspired by Axl Rose's gritty vocals. Which one is more important isn't the question so much as which one ultimately means more in this particular life.
While the conviction of all four candidates came across quite clearly this one particular audience member wondered what exactly separates those whose riskiest statement was to be in favor of increased voter participation. To seek any office is to say one can make improvements. Playing the campaign game means appealing to as many as possible and trying to say what the people want to hear. So where has the system broken down? Is it in the politics of cynicism where people run for an office because it is there and not because they offer any new ideas or is it with a group like Guns and Rose whose music appeals to the masses by not only recognizing that cynicism but wallowing in it and offering no viable alternative? And ultimately who is worse off- those that long ago stopped believing in the system's ability to bring about positive change or those that still play the game with an inevitable end?
"And when your fears subside and shadows still remain, I know that you can love me when there's no one left to blame. So never mind the darkness we still can find a way. 'Cause nothin' lasts forever, even cold November rain."
The four candidates focused on the election duties of the position agreeing that increased voter participation was a key goal of the office which has attracted interest since Joan Growe, the current Secretary of State, announced that her 24th year in office would be her last.
The candidates said they are in favor of limited mail ballot elections and less stringent qualifications for absentee voting to increase voter turnout. "When I'm elected I plan to go out before elections and knock on doors, rile people up, Garcia said. "Our job is to promote good citizenship, convince people to be involved, to care to do something." Garcia a state representative for the past eight years said that her desire to be Secretary of State is based on "making Minnesota work better."
While favoring efforts to increase voter turnout all four also said that safeguards against voter fraud and going out to the polls where people get together as a community on election day remain important. "I like the tradition of the polling place of people gathering together to vote with the flag outside," Schotzko said.
Rest who currently is a state representative from the Crystal and New Hope area said being a member of her community's school board convinced her how important voter participation is. "Voters are stakeholders who do make a difference," she said.
Schotzko said though this is her first try for an elected office, her husband said that she had been "preparing twenty five years for this." She currently is an attorney in the city of Blue Earth after having served eleven years on the State Ethical Practices Board.
Long said that when people ask her why she is leaving the House of Representatives for a run at the Secretary of State she replies, "I think it's better to have people ask 'why are you leaving?' rather than 'why don't you leave?'"
All the candidates also said that a non binding Presidential Primary like Minnesota had in 1992 was a failed effort. "It's time to get rid of it unless we can get the state to pay the entire cost," Long said. The candidates also agreed that a change in the State's Primary Election to an earlier date would improve the electoral process. "There's not enough time between the primary which is on September 15th and the general which will be on November 3rd, for DFLer's to get their message across," Rest said. The candidates acknowledged their audience by saying that the teamwork between the county personnel and the Secretary of State's office was what made the election processes successful.
********
One member of the audience prepared for the evening by cranking a Guns and Roses tape and doing some serious head banging on his drive into the conference. It was the perfect buffer for one who constantly struggles with the mixture, and lack thereof, of the different spheres in his life. So successful has he been in separating the spheres that seldom do they ever intersect. Thus the mixture of GNR with this evening was deliberately startling. To remain detached is to strive to be the perpetual outsider looking in. To witness politics first hand and to be equally fascinated and repulsed by the political world is quite a contrast with being inspired by Axl Rose's gritty vocals. Which one is more important isn't the question so much as which one ultimately means more in this particular life.
While the conviction of all four candidates came across quite clearly this one particular audience member wondered what exactly separates those whose riskiest statement was to be in favor of increased voter participation. To seek any office is to say one can make improvements. Playing the campaign game means appealing to as many as possible and trying to say what the people want to hear. So where has the system broken down? Is it in the politics of cynicism where people run for an office because it is there and not because they offer any new ideas or is it with a group like Guns and Rose whose music appeals to the masses by not only recognizing that cynicism but wallowing in it and offering no viable alternative? And ultimately who is worse off- those that long ago stopped believing in the system's ability to bring about positive change or those that still play the game with an inevitable end?
"And when your fears subside and shadows still remain, I know that you can love me when there's no one left to blame. So never mind the darkness we still can find a way. 'Cause nothin' lasts forever, even cold November rain."
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